searching for a guide through life

eehhhhh…. i’m really bored and i’m kinda in the purging mood so here it goes… it’s not like anyone reads my page noways.. and so what.. what’s a lil truth??

*****::::::***these are my CONFESSIONS***::::::*****

<1> i’m mad at him for never freestylin’ for me.. well, actually i’m not mad at him… but i wish i was mad at him.. like back in the day when i ‘couldn’t stand him’.. i miss those days. i miss his smile.

<2> i don’t think imma lose that much weight… i think imma be this “thickk” for the majority of my life

<3> i don’t wish i was mean but i think people should be more consious of taking advantage of nice people

<4> i think i want to hold on to my virginity until i get married… then again, i do want to get married young.. lol

<5> the book i’m reading right now is making me unnecessarily horny.. and there’s nothing i can do about it..

<6> no matter what, i think imma always hold onto my first love and that’s a dangerous thought to me

<7> it really hits me deep how much my sister and I have grown apart and everything although i usually just play it off with indifference or some degree of anger

<8> i want to get into a real physical fight with someone just to see how things would turn out… if i’m as tough as i carry on in my mind

<9> i wanna fuck him.. just for one day… ok – that sounds really bad

<10> nearly everything my uncle predicted about me has come true

<11> i still take people that i love for granted even though i should have learned my lesson by now

<12> there are some things i just avoid talking to my parents about even though there’s no logical reason why not

<13> i want him to be infactuated with me only for me to tease him and then make him jealous so that he can know how i felt! yeah.. and this is a guy who supposedly i have no feelings for..

<14> i’d like my children to be darker than i am… ok – that sounds bad too..

<15> i’m not 100% comfortable with SOME interracial couples…. i’m sorry. i wish i were.. there are some interracial couples that i’m 250% comfortable with but then sometimes i see a black guy with some blond chick and i’m like damn… why??

<16> i have deep insecurities/unsuredness but i keep that inside so people don’t know

<17> i’m kinda old-fashioned in a lot of aspects.. or maybe i’m just slow to keep up

<18> i let people affect me more than i’d like them too

<19> i wish i didn’t have a pet.. and for that same reason, i don’t think imma let my kids have one..

<20> i like to sing but know i can’t (lol) so i only do it when i know ppl can’t hear me

<21> i want to go to Mt Zion again, but i know my mom would ask why that particular church and i don’t want to lie, but i’m not about to tell her that a major compacting reason is that this boy attends/used to attend there

<22> i get nervous driving.. the fact that i’ve had barely any practice and that my cousin died in a car accident doesn’t help

<23> i wish i knew more about the type of person my grandfather was

<24> i wonder if people in heaven have 24/7 access to watching over us… cuz i don’t want everybody seeing everything i do

<25> if i allowed myself, i think i could easily become an alcoholic

<26> although i’m very accepting, i’m initially apprehensive of people whom i don’t quite understand due to their lifestyles and choices that contrast against mine

<27> i’m a lil nervous about cutting my hair off

<28> i hate the lil family ‘secrets’ or better yet, the things the family just coincidently happens to never talk about openly

<29> i like to know things about the people around me.. not that i need to know everything about everyone (cuz i really don’t care about shit like that) but i don’t like when those i love keep secrets or keep things from me. so i become curious… never good. lol

<30> i’m not as excited to leave for college anymore but i believe it’s the only way that’s gonna get me to grow up

<31> i have a real short attention span sometimes and sometimes it seems like i have some version of dyslexia

<32> i like being a tease sometimes.. for no special reason

<33> i think on a pretty simple level.. so i don’t understand when people crazily complicate their lives

<34> sometimes i think i’m making a mistake by trying to follow my dreams instead of going down a path that could more or less assure me some success

<35> i’m not always used to people listening to me (i’m usually the listener) so i sometimes feel all weird observing the way ppl listen to me

<36> i somewhat believe in silly stupid stuff like pyschics and zodiac horoscopes


ok – that’s enough.. hahah..

so that’s me. take it or leave it. love me or hate me… whateva… my mindset is that the people that matter won’t care.. they’ll always just accept you.. and the people that care, that have something to say or whose mindset about me change… they don’t matter!

i’m tired.



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2 thoughts on “

  1. Hey Nicole,Jiss showen a fellow future kennedy queen that someone DOES read her page…And now i know EVERYTHING! lol. It’s realli mature of you 2 be that honest. Alot of ppl have mastered the art of lying to themselves so props 2 you 4 avoiding that kind of behavior. Anywayz, stay up n stay positive. see you around kennedy!-Kereni think abt the same thing all the time being a tease is absolutely funtastici feel like u stole my thoughts on alot of those points.lol

  2. like keren sais… ( i like the way she spells that) i read ur page all da time, nd i do wish i culd be more honest, like u r big sis…

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