searching for a guide through life

i have to go into work tomorrow (today). yes, miss unemployed is not truly unemployed because according to my dad – i can work with the company whenever i want to… ::sigh:: don’t get me wrong, i love to make money. i hate not having something to do everyday.. but working at AES just comes with its own load of issues sometimes.. i mean, with everything, i believe my dad would be sooo much more healthier if he weren’t in the job position he was now. it’s way too much stress on him and it’s screwing with his physical health forreal.. not to mention his social health.. it’s like everyone wants something from him and he gives but then he’s stuck in this spot and ends up having to do much more work than he bargained for and everything else.. it’s just bad.. it’s hard to hear him talk about things at the job too, because i can’t help and i hate feeling helpless.. and then again, he’s talking about my friends and family too and it’s hard. my grandma tells him that he can’t let everybody stress him out.. and so part of me doesn’t want to ever get sucked into AES because i just don’t want to get involved with all that. plus i know nothing about engineering and that was never a path i took a liking to.. but then again, what is our country built upon? money. my dad said that he was just at the perfect time to give up the company… sell it or something, i guess.. but he was like, he couldn’t because he needed to kept it for our sake… his children.. we’ll always have a job there, he said.. maaan.. the sacrifices parents make for their children. i remember when he was first talking about starting the business.. it was like “well, i could get a higher position at my job or i can start my own business which would be a lot of work and time but much better in the long run”… and so AES was born.. which has been something extremely great and extremely trying at the same time..
so the questions left to be asked are… does money equal happiness? why do we strive for money to give us a good life while we lose our good life striving for money?

haha… i sound like a hippie or something denouncing money and claiming it to be bad for good living…. i dunno. i’m just speaking from the confused point my life has brought me to..

more questions: is there a difference between being alone and being independent? does independent equal alone equal lonely? hmmm.. right now i think i’m all three.. although i don’t quite think being one means you are all three..  i do want to be independent but not lonely, not alone.

 a have a TON of more questions.. i think at this point, i’m questioning so much more than i have before.. but then again, i have the tendencies to forget the troubling times of the past and rather touch on the good points… but anywho… i’m sparing the questions for now.

today — (last night) i went to Border’s… i swear, i’m in love with bookstores.. such a geek.. and proud of it. but anyway, there was sooo much more i could have wanted to get but i settled with getting a 2005 Writer’s Manual or something, and then four magazines: Essence (with the ever so sexy Terrence Howard), Savoy, Vogue latinoamerica (en espanol), and Oprah (for my mommy).. then we went to the grocery store and proceded to buy my mommy groceries… well, it’s for the house but it’s the first time i brought my mom the groceries and the first time i used my debit card i believe.. but i suppose it dont count cuz she’s paying me back.. she owes me for a couple of stuff… i guess it’s fair though cuz she made me pay my deposit for hampton… but anyways… i think imma own a Border’s or something. and then have a sleeping bag or cot there or something and camp out and read the stuff ppl will later buy.. and listen to music… like jazz.. ::sigh::

anyways.. sometimes i feel old-spirited for an 18 yr old child.. but then again, i look so young..

there will be an official girls night out on friday!! yeah!!!!!! christina called me up today. we haven’t chilled in a long time.. too long. so we’re all going to the mall to celebrate her and lisha’s first paychecks.. i KNOW P. is coming and i believe melissa is too.. haven’t seen her in the longest time. i do need to start getting some items for college and all – but these children (lol) aint have to worry about this stuff for some yrs (i can’t believe chrissy is still only 15!!) and i kno we are not exactly coming for shopping but for other things… hahah..  but anyways, friday should be fun.. despite having two LTR (longterm relationship) gurls there..

but i gotta go.. imma be tired tomorrow.. it’ll be just like school.


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2 thoughts on “

  1. no i’m not flip. my friends and i always say mahal kita or aishiteru to each other, because we are all military and they spent a few years in korea and japan.

  2. Anonymous on said:

    I was thinking about what you said about being independent and being alone.. and I don’t think that it’ll happen like that, because the more independent you are the more people draw to you. That always seems to be the case. If you got your ish together people are like “oh yeah she’s cool” and they draw themselves toward you.Or maybe I’m crazy.My ma made me pay my deposit too.. so I know how that is. Hah. I’m sooo broke… and now I don’t work.Money may not make your life have any happier.. but it sure makes it a lot easier.. right?See ya in the fall.-Danielle.

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