searching for a guide through life

i think i’m sick/getting sick or something… maan, these past couple of days i’ve been so worn out and tired for no reason at all whatsoever. something’s gotta be up. i don’t like feeling this way..

in other news.. my mommy’s birthday is tomorrow!!!!  awww… i hope i feel better cuz maybe i will take her to the spa. my sister and bro are probably out getting a gift for her now though.. they all left for the mall when i was half sleep..

and so then i was here with my grandfather (me asleep upstairs and him downstairs) when i wake up to the phone and it’s my mom asking me to tell my grandfather that there’s some health clinic or something open to 8:30 tonight.. so that gets me downstairs and it turns out my grandfather must have not have been feeling that well and he was testing his blood, but having a hard time getting the thing to work (he’s a diabetic). so even though i hard no idea to work the test thing, i read the instructions and got it working right and all, but his blood sugar was real high.. (he had already been to the emergency room twice this week too so i was a lil worried). but he calls his doctor in Atlanta and they tell him to take a double dose of the medicine he has now… maan, i hope his blood sugar gets itself in order because i think he should be going to the doctor, but he doesn’t want to go back home right now because he doesn’t want to have any health complications while travelling..  it’s kinda like a catch 22 (although i hated reading that book…).

speaking of books i have to see about getting those two books for honors college. i’m actually looking foward to honors college and all.. although when i was in highschool, i was like – maan, i can’t wait to go to college and be done with being an honors student.. but it’s cool though. plus i have to cuz i got that scholarship. LOL. and shoot – imma be doing everything to keep that up. going to a good private college basically for free.. that was my dream. haha. so trust, i will be studying and not slacking off to uphold the 3.3 gpa.. i will be fulfilling any and all of the honor college requirements.. and imma take advantage of what i’m getting.. it’s not like imma be up in the cafeteria and living in the dorms because i’m paying for it, but because they are paying for me to be there.. so i’m okay with that!!!

i haven’t written any poetry in so long of a time… i haven’t been to church in the longest time either..  and you know what, what’s sad is that i don’t think i’m taking care of myself well enough and it’s leaking through in every aspect of my life – physical, mental, spiritual, emotional… and i don’t know how to go about fixing it.


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  1. I hope your grandfather turns out ok…. that is a bit scary but i’m sure he’ll be fine. And speaking of honors college i’m shooting for that too i just know i got to get out the reg. dorms tooo many chicks ya dig

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