searching for a guide through life

“And I heard ’em say… nothing’s ever promised tomorrow today..”

man, i need that Kanye cd just so i can hear my SONG… ::sigh::  i’ve been playing it throughout the night but it’s just like the little ten second clip off of amazon.com.. that’s a shame.

oh shit!!! i just went to the kanye west site and i think they’re gonna let me listen to the WHOLE thing!!! oh boy!!!! haha.. i like that song. “Heard ‘Em Say”.. i like the beat, the melody, the words… kanye and the maroon 5 dude.. haha. but that song’s so bittersweet. i almost had a tear come to my eye when i was reading the lyrics… i’m being way too sensitive lately.. i’ll get to that subject in a second.. but speaking of bittersweet — what the hell happened to BITTERSWEET?? that was the kanye/john mayer joint that was supposed to be on late registration that i could never get downloaded… and tell me why i downloaded like 20-something kanye tracks like a month ago – labeled late registration – and only like THREE of them turned out on the cd (Diamonds, Gold Digger, and Hey Mama… oh and the diamonds remix). so now i missing out on all the songs from late registration, but i already heard ’em from when my brother had downloaded ’em and was playing them. and now, i think this site’s gonna let me listen to the whole songs.. oh boy! i’m still gonna buy the cd IF I CAN GET OFF CAMPUS TO A STORE! ::shaking my head::

now about this sensitivity thing… ugh.. why.. WHY.. did i end up crying about him AGAIN last night? my lesson of the week: don’t fuck with LOVE… oooh, while we’re kinda on the subject – don’t TALK about fucking with someone you don’t love ESPECIALLY someone with a high potential of loving you.ok.. too much information? yeah, forget all that.

changing the subject — i think our groupies are slowly getting bunned up with selective girls one by one… which is real cool for them, but then again, i’m not one of the “them.” i’m telling you, this ratio.. haha.. i can’t even really say that there’s someone here in particular that i’m caught up on.. so let me be quiet.

 i need to get more focused on my schoolwork related things… really. i mean, i don’t feel like staying in my room and studying hours at a time, but i really need to take my classes more seriously, be much more proactive, and ORGANIZE my stuff… i mean, this is the second time this WEEK that i’ve forgotten something… maybe something relatively small but very significant. that cannot be a trend. i’m hoping my gym teacher got my paper in too… i emailed it to her… oh, and i def need to CHANGE MY MAJOR. what was i thinking applying for bio… haha.. i’m looking foward to being a print journalism major even though i haven’t written in SOO long.

so i wake up at an “early” time tomorrow? or not? my first class starts at 11am on fridays.. yea! but imma probably still get up around 7-8… maybe… i don’t have anything to do this weekend… i’m probably gonna have to work the desk sometime tomorrow and sunday too… sunday’s chapel.. i think i might keep on going there instead of trying to go to Sixth Mount Zion. maybe i’ll end up going to sixth mount zion if i end up staying here over the summer… that’s a big IF. i actually have no idea how i’ll be spending my summer 2006. i’ve actually gotten fairly comfortable with living in a new space. the whole concept of “home” was never the most solid for me and now, when i go home, i think it may end up being just like coming back to a very familiar place to visit.. like my grandparents’ house or something… “if home is where the heart is, i think i must be a nomad…” but yeah… sometimes i genuinely think that i never saw myself making it this far, so i’m kinda taking things each day at a time.

but back to my weekend plans.. haha.. the Ques have their pajama party saturday night.. i don’t know if i’m going though   it seems like no one (from the gurls i chill with) want to go… they went to the party at Holland last weekend and said it was entirely too hot, which i can imagine. but i didn’t go to the Holland Jam last weekend and i love the Ques and i think it coud be fun. but i’m not ENTIRELY feeling the whole pajama part… haha.. and then with all parties, it’s almost like.. you been to one, you been to all. basically the same music… the SAME dj… either you’re dancing with yourself which is fun until you miss being with a guy or you’re “dancing” (lol) with a guy which is cool until you realize that you’re doing all the work and you’re waiting for the song to end so you can get a break in… sooo.. i have no idea what i’ll be doing saturday besides meeting with my history group to work on our project or whateva.. which is aiight, but i’m usually not too into group projects because sometimes i can get like a perfectionist or whateva but mainly cuz i’m so used to procrastinating on things and you can’t do that in groups.. i’m the queen of procrastination. i mean, can i major in THAT? lol.

ok, i think i wrote enough for today.. i’m getting so sleepy. time to clear the books off my bed and go to sleep.. i finally have a set place for my books – YEA!

and i’ll still pray for him before i fall asleep…

“…it hurts but it may be the only way”


::EDIT:: Kanye’s tour hits Hampton on 11/5!!!! and then PHILLY on 11/6! (sidenote: i heart Philly).. oh, and really.. is hampton bigger than AC?? why aint their no concert scheduled for atlantic city?? we got venues! LOL. let me stop. ::


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2 thoughts on “

  1. Anonymous on said:

    Girl GO to the Pajama Party…it’s fun…TRUST me! have fun this weekend…

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