searching for a guide through life

have i mentioned how much tuesdays suck? yeah, i think i have…

anyway – i think school is starting to mess up with my life.. lol. not really though.. just felt like being dramatic. it’s just that sometimes i’m not sure where i should be.. for the first time in a LONG time, i am focusing more on the present instead of the past or the future, which definately is a good thing in itself.. but then, i don’t want to end up screwing myself over cuz i’m not focused intently on my future kinda like i was in highschool… scratch that, in highschool i don’t think i really cared about life in general.. but i suppose the focus on my future was more prevalant. and i’m forever weighed down by my past, but different story all in itself… ANYWHO – so this girl from my dorm asked me if i was going to be in the writing program that they had talked about in six o’clock club… and she also later mentioned something else about her having to go to a meeting for NABJ – National Association of Black Journalists… and she works for the Script. and i’m like damn… i’ve been to two of the six o’clock club meetings out of three and that’s all i’ve been doing with my life (referring to my future professional life). it’s sad cuz it’s almost like i got here and stopped my obsession with being a writer altogether. it is still what i want to do in life, don’t get me wrong.. but right now, i’m just trying to get through school ON SCHOLARSHIP – that 3.3 – and i have Sister II Sister and i just have my life and i feel as though i can’t really handle much more on my plate. and it’s like, so many people get their degrees in this and that only to end up doing work in something completely unrelated. both my mom and my dad’s bachelor’s degrees and college dreams don’t match with what they studied in school yet they’re OK. my mom – i love her so much – ended up marrying my dad and living in Europe while he was stationed there and being a stay-at-home mom for a certain amount of time. she had quit her part time job as a pre-school teacher because of  me. To make a long story short, the people who ran my school’s afterschool program had got their info wrong and sent me room all alone at 5 when i had no concept on being a latch key kid and i stayed outside my house and cried til a complete STRANGER who lived nearby took me to her house and left a note on my door.. my mom quit her job and stayed home after that incident. i dunno. i could get myself real focused with my writing, joining clubs and organizations and everything… but this semester, i think i just need to let things go and just live. it’s like i almost owe it to myself. hakuna matata – no worries.

do you know what one of the best things in life are?? — good hugs. LOL. i swear, i love good hugs. hmmm.. maybe cuz i’ve never been kissed yet or had sex.. but i think good hugs will always be something that will top my list. i used to not let people touch me.. i dunno.. thinking back, i went through a lot of “stages” in my life. but anyway — i love good hugs and i have much luv for my Harkness boys. i heart our Harkness postas.

i’m going home thursday! late thurs.. lol, you know how we be…but i’ll still be able to be a home for a second.. and hopefully FrightFest will also be something that’ll happen. i’m happy. i feel as though i have a great deal of work to do in these upcoming two, three days so i should stop bullshitting on the internet and get to studying. au revoir!!



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