searching for a guide through life

ewwww… ca-rin has the most bestest xanga layout right now…  it’s aiight. i still love you anyways.. i guess… LOL. just kidding. i love you a hundred million percent. need to change my layout though…

mmm.. trying to type an entry before going to bio class. been wanting to just skip classes for the past two days. i am most definately on that Kanye West ish..
my freshman year /i was goin through hella problems /til i bit up the nerve to drop my ass up out of college /my teacher said i’s a loser/ i told him why don’t you kill me/ i give a fuck if you feel me/ i’m gonna follow/ my heart and if you follow the charts and the stats and the plaques then you aint gotta guess who’s back
i’m sure i didn’t quote that right but yall know what i’m talking bout… by the way – where is my alicia keys Songs in A Minor cd???? and my hair brush?? wtf.

anyway — i am so done with school. yes, this is how i feel. i hate how america is set up like so if you aint got your highschool degree, you are dumb and if you don’t have a college education, you won’t be making much money at all… ::sigh:: sometimes i debate about telling my mom how i feel. we don’t usually talk about the big serious stuff. she’s always supported me but she really has let me grow up on my own. unlike hampton, ahem, but that’s a different story. LOL. it might sound like i’m bashing hampton right now but i am truly not. it’s a great school and i love it here. my thought on dropping out of college don’t even particularly have anything to do with hampton. i’m just saying…

i think ppl would be surprised at how much i am truly anti-school being as i graduated salutatorian of my class and shit.. and shit… lol. but i’m not stupid, i’m here at hu for free on scholarship. i will be around for a whiles… haha. it’s a good thing i don’t have to pay.. but i have to get my life together and figure out what i want to be doing, cuz i do not just want to be sitting around wasting the air and the precious time God gave me here on Earth to be just f-ing around, doing the day-by-day routine because it’s what’s expected…. nah.

i wrote a letter to God last night. while i was procrastinating on my schoolwork. maybe i will talk to my mom.. i just.. don’t know where to start…

mmm. i had a dream last night. all i can remember it was with me and this incredibly fine white boy from highschool and we were together. i miss male physical interaction… lol. i miss good conversation – male/female period. but back to this boy issue.. you will NEVER EVER hear me on some N.A.S. (niggas aint shit) business like some other women. first of all, i hardly use the n-word.. lol. but forreal, forreal. i love guys. i can be discouraged by them and i’ve “given up” on being stuck on guys and relationships, but i’m never at that level or point or whatever it is… sometimes, i feel like i’m so unlike other gurls… maybe cuz i’m still a baby – haven’t been in a relationship before…. maybe i’m not fully qualified to speak on the issue.

i should be heading to class now…. ugh…..

you know what’s ironic… my hair never really held a curl when it was longer and i wore it permed or straightened and all – but now my hair is just naturally curly all over. go figure..


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  1. who u tellin back?? lol but can’t drop highshcool, i’d get kicked out da house! lol
    btw… to cease ur jealousy! lol i did not make that layout unforunately. i don’t know how to do all that yet… but i will learn! yes siree bob, i will learn. i d/l that layout… hott isn’t it… and! how would u think i could have possibly done that wen i just got the net back last night?? i aint no super girl

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