searching for a guide through life

yeessss…. i have music in my life. leslie got my ruckus up and running and i am currently listening to a (very wonderful) jazz version of Babyface’s “When Can I See You.” good stuff, good stuff….

life has actually be pretty great with me recently. it’s so refreshing to feel so more positive this year than last year. yesterday, i was reflecting back on my 18th bday.. how by the next day i was worked up over some nonsense, getting frustrated from something, and my godsister heard me cuss… i think she was surprised. lol. but yeah… in the matter of some months soo much has changed — and still so much is the same. kinda ironic.

i wonder if i don’t call home enough.. i mean, i talk to someone from home atleast once a week. usually twice i guess. but i know some people talk to their moms like everyday and such. i dunno… never been the greatest phone person. i mean, it’s not like i’m trying to distance myself from anybody. i just don’t think i need to call everyday. it’s part of my definition of my independence i guess.. dang, i probably could never make it in a long distance relationship.. that’s a shame. hope it aint true – though i have no prospects for being in a long distance relationship with.

speaking of such matters — i have a crush (?) lol. i really don’t know. in my mind i tell myself i don’t. but sometimes i find myself looking for him in crowds subconsiously and then when i see him, i get that little flutter… i’m really telling myself i don’t like him though.. why? there’s nothing wrong with him, at all, from what i can see… you know what – maybe i should just like him, maybe even attempt to ‘talk’ to him, cuz i mean, the only reason, i shouldn’t be into him would probably be because i’m still stuck on someone else. and i can’t be still stuck on him… can i? jeez – i’d just like to know what he’s doing with his life right now. i hope everything’s cool with him…. ugh, this is what happens when you end up falling in love…..

i’m finding more HU guys though – surprisingly from stuff like classes. lol. who woulda thunk? i guess that’s better than liking postas though. too much complication in that.

maaan, what happened to the days of serious porch postin’? lol, well, i guess there’s the whole thing about maintaining scholarships and the weather getting cold and all… plus the whole “we can’t sit on the steps” thing and all the other craziness.. hahah. the lobby’s still cool though. except this weekend being that half the dorm is gone.

speaking of scholarships and stuff – midterm grades were good. six As and one B.. putting my GPA at like 3.857 or such. i’m tryna raise that though… maaan, i hope i don’t have too much complication with scheduling for classes.. gotta change majors, get a new advisor and be advised, go to the bio department and get my PIN after all that’s officiated. damn… i shoulda just been an undecided major. i have a feeling i’ll be doing a lot of running around this week.

oh – friday was wonderful.. just had to add that. “big brothers” are wonderful, period. i don’t care what anyone says. not that a big brother would want me for any of the stuff girls should be cautious of big brothers for… lol. but anywho…

… i have nothing more to say right now. must start that UNV 101 work… later alligators.


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