searching for a guide through life

so… i mentioned to maurita that she should read my xanga page sometimes.. i wonder if she actually ever will.

i know one person who if i told them my xanga site he’d probably read religiously.. lol. but yeah… haha.. maybe i will someday…. i was on the phone with him for probably over 4 hours today. he called about three times. and we talked online for a sec. it’s surprising that besides my sister – he’s probably the person from galloway that i talk the most with. lol.. my “stalker” from hs. i tell you, the way relationships develop… there were many times i wished i could love him. he’d be good to me. he’d love me. but you can’t just tell your heart to love someone… so for all this long, i couldn’t. i can’t.

he was surprised when i told him i’m about to be 19 and i haven’t had my first kiss yet. i told him i can’t wait til i get my own house and he basically called me ambitious. i broke TWO things while on the phone with him. he told me i was interesting. he wants me to met his sister, chill with him and his cousin, stop by the house, and twist his hair during thanksgiving break.. oh my.. we have this thing where we’re intitled to talk about anything to each other. he was the first – and only – guy to tell me he loved me. we were talking about his birthday and lap dances randomly today, and i thought – my 21st b-day gift to him should be a lapdance… lol… too bad i don’t love him.

i don’t feel like sleeping right now. it’s 3 in the morning. i don’t even feel like doing my hw..this weekend i did the homebody thing…

the Gospel Concert was amazing.

thanksgiving break is almost here.. yea!

(hopefully not empty) declaration of the year – i will finish the rough copy of my novel by the last sunday in april. this is me being ambitious. i want to start writing for magazines soon too.

operation twist-my-hair will occur mid-week. we’ll see how it turns out..

random declaration: the only person holding me back is me….


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