A*North*Star

searching for a guide through life

:: Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  <Isaiah 40:30-31> ::


i’ve been avoiding writing this entry.. i’ve been needing to vent, but decided against it. especially on xanga. especially since some ppl actually read my xanga. especially since i actually read my xanga and i hate sounding really negative or depressed or complaining or whatnot. but whatever.


i’ve def been feeling some kinda way lately. and it’s so weird cuz it’s something that i can’t really shake. in class and around others i smile. i’m cool. but when i’m just with me i’m back with my thoughts and my fears. and it’s not exactly the best thing in the world..


last night was…. mmm.. something. i fell asleep with my arms tightly wrapped around my Bible and my Carebare. that was sometime after finding and reading Isaiah 40, which was, i believe, sometime between me calling up my little sister and asking her what i was doing with my life and me crying until my head hurt.


on top of that, i can’t hear out my left ear, which is extremely annoying and somewhat painful and worries me cuz i wish i was home with my mommy to take care of me.


anyway… the source of my issues?? i don’t quite know. it’s def a few things tied into one. like: idon’tknowifipickedtherightcareerchoice,ifi’mcrackeduptothepathi’vechosen,ifi’lleverbein
love,ifi’lleverbeagoodenoughchristian,ificandealwithoutabestfriend.
and so on…


my favorite thing now is sleep. when i’m asleep i don’t have to think or do anything. ugghh, that sounds sooo bad. i know.


i need to get it together and shake it off.


pray for me.


,
nicole

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2 thoughts on “

  1. hun, life sucks sometimes, and i understand not wanting to show what you percieve your negative side on xanga. but that is, ideally, what xanga is all about, venting, truth and honesty with yourself, forget about others. As far as the questoning goes. its good to question, better now than your junior year, you know? and at least you have someone you can always turn to, your sister, friends come and go but family, especially siters are forever and always, and a gift from god.talk it over. some happy meduim will present itself. 

  2. vent as much as you can. i will always be there for you, you know that. i love you nicole. i know i always seem so busy, but if u ever want to or need to talk, you can just give me a call, okay?

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