searching for a guide through life

sooo, i’m sitting here watching the Dallas/Redskins game (go Dallas!!!) but i can’t concentrate, on the game or the pile of homework at the end of my bed, and i just noticed a painted-over star on the wall to the right of my head.

confession: i don’t know my left from my right. well, yeah, of course i do, but not easily. i must have never been really taught it when i was little so it’s not naturally reinforced in my system. i still do the whole “i write with my right hand” thing or make the L with my thumb and index finger to designate my left side.

ANYwho, i miss real food. oh my gosh, yesterday we went out to eat at Outback. it was terrific!! and now…  ::sigh:: i’m hungry.

if i wasn’t into this game right now, you know what i’d be doing? no, not my homework. lol, well maybe. i’m a dork. but i want to be reading my magazines. hehehe. we went to barnes and noble yesterday. being the junkie i am, i got three – vibe, essence, and seventeen (i’m getting too old for that mag, but i love atoosa and hilary duff was on the cover and i also like her. haha) OH, and i bought a sudoku book. hehe, yes carin…

church service was nice today. all in all, this whole weekend has been nice – despite all the time devoted to hw that’s nowhere near finished and being soaked from the crazy Hampton rain… all in all, life in general has been nice.

but… (here it comes)

i want to be held.. i want to be wrapped up in a man’s arms and just melt away, caught up in the warmth, comfort and security he gives, even if i can get all those things on my own. i want to quit being closed up and hard, but sometimes it’s difficult being vulernable if you’re not quite used to it. it’s hard to shed old ways. but i want him. i want him to envelop me in love and make it ok that i love him back. so much. i want to feel butterflies in my comfort. i want to feel tears in my happiness. i want to know the secret in his eyes as he knows mine. i want to be held…

well – back to my real life.



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2 thoughts on “

  1. You went to Outback without me?Oh Nikolas, how could you?

  2. You stay off my page nikki dow! I know how dangerous you are you vulture you!

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