searching for a guide through life

— what’s good? —

sooo… i’ve been in nyc for a week, chilling, working like crazy, and (of course) changing my mind every day. specifically concerning two things: (a) whether i want to stick with this journalism root and (b) if i really want to reside in the big city upon graduating.

the concluding decision… umm.. a big I DUNNO. 🙂

ok, while i do find a certain drive in journalism, while it’s catches my interest, while i probably could make a good career from it… i’m still not solidly sure. i mean, pssrccssh, i don’t have to be solidly sure. i could do a couple internships, work for a mag and then leave and go to publishing or something. i could start from something out there and then make the comeback, i mean, whatever. it will all be ok. that’s faith. i mean, yes. in a sense, it’d be good to have that solid focus – to have that consistent job (like jobs are even consistent in the journalism industry). but i mean, it’d be great to have a dental plan set up and savings in a 401k. but.. mmm… i’ll do what i do.

you see, cuz how i mentioned that journalism catches my interest, art and writing holds it. and sometimes, surprisingly, those same aspects that i love just aren’t in journalism. at least, not in the same way… so i mean, we’ll see where time takes me. one thing – i have to stop being a punk and take my creative writing seriously.

and you know, i think my mom is really on this whole “let’s start a family business together” thing.. so.. i dunno..

and don’t get me started on the whole combining-of-lives element when boyfriends/husbands/whatever get into the mix. (by the way, my slacker boyfriend has not contacted me in forever.. ok, maybe a week. but still. and i’ve been calling, left a few messages.. i know everything’s ok but there’s still that underlying worry for him. not for for us – for him. so i’ll just pray on it.)

about the other factor – the big city living – hahah… uhhh, i dunno. i’m having a love/hate relationship with NYC right now, but that’s actually one of the best relationships to have. i realize that i’m sooooo suburban girl all the way and so me and the city don’t actually mix at all times. i find it strange and weird at others.. but then there’s some times… there’s some times where i’m just like: i’m in love. there’s some times when i’m just in awe with everything or when i can be simply pleased. and i love the opportunity and the art… i mean, i don’t know though. but i guess i can say i won’t strike new york off the list yet.

but yeah – so anyways – that’s the “what’s good” in my life right now. God’s keeping me in there, and i’m so thankful for this journey. me and a friend from school are gonna hang out tonight. tomorrow i go back to jersey only to get myself prepared to move to maryland – that’s the next milestone. living in maryland will be amazing. haha.. there were plenty of adjectives i could have chosen to describe what lies ahead, but i figure if i say “amazing” it might actually turn out to be so.

that’s positive thinking for ya..


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