searching for a guide through life

ok, i can’t keep up with all these new technological features on everything. craziness..

well, i’m spending my afternoon stuck online for two very basic reasons.

 number 1: i’m living in maryland for the next two months. somewhere where i have no friends, family or life outside of work. and being that it’s the weekend – i officially have no life. and it’s no fun going out by myself. there’s only so many times i can escape to barnes and noble or borders and spend hours there.. (i hit up b&n last night).

and numero 2: staying online keeps me slightly distracted from the fact that i am just a girl sitting by the phone, upset, waiting… for a man to call. i am beginning to realize that the boyfriend – he’s terrible when it comes to this little thing called communication. but this time around, i’m kinda worried. i try to push the bad thoughts out my mind, but we’d just gotten on the phone last night and he was like let me call you back in two minutes.. soon it’ll be going on like 12 hours.. maybe something came up, i can’t say this isn’t like him – but i’m just unsettled right now. cuz he was going home after a night out at some bar with his friends. and if something happened…..

it’s just hard. this distance thing is very hard for me. i feel like a fool sometimes for calling and calling and leaving messages and texts that go unanswered. i hate that i find myself crying myself to sleep about this. i’m scared that i’m slipping.. and i don’t know what to do. it’s hard.


so that’s the… not so good.. the good is that i’m really enjoying my job. i’m almost waiting for the other shoe to drop (i have to stop doing that in life). but now, i really like it. i’m learning, i’m working, and one day (too far from now) i’ll get some currency for it. cool beans.

everyone i work with and the family i live with are really nice. i’m glad. the town is cool. the downtown area is all historic with these little niche shops. i’m pleased with the shopping/restaurant district – if only i had someone to go out with. where i live is like a farm town, which i wouldn’t think would be my scene, but it’s very peaceful driving down the roads, taking in the scenery. i’m finding myself getting settled in well. i’m at 1 week down, 9 to go. i decided not to get the part-time job.. yeah, i need the money, but working 40 hours and taking a class 2 days a week is gonna take a lot out of me. plus, i have this master plan to use the weekends to be out of town.. haa – that worked. this weekend i wanted to be down in hampton with my baby… maybe tomorrow, huh? we’ll see. but next weekend i go home for my sister’s graduation and i’ll be going back to jersey a couple times in july for family reunions. maybe i’ll visit my cuz in charlottesville one of these weekends and hopefully i can go down to the baltimore area and visit my buddy marcus. i mean, it’s not absolutely unbearable to stay here on the weekends. i’ll probably be here all weekend cuz i have a feeling seeing Ty aint gonna happen. but i’d really like to switch things up. you know, i should join a gym… that’d take up some of this free time..

oh, another good thing. i like the radio stations down here. i’m pretty darn pleased with these b-more and dc stations that my car radio picks up. i’m digging the summer music mix.

still, i miss hampton. i miss my people, my fam. but i mean, it’s not like my times at hu will last forever. i only got two years left… wow… and where i go from there is totally a mystery right now.

i’ll figure it out eventually. aint that what being in your twenties is all about???

well, chao bellas..


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  1. Well, let me know what weekend your coming and I got you. My summer get-togathers start this month so i’ll send you the invites. I got ya. Call me if you wanna talk.Later

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