searching for a guide through life

i’m almost at midterms yall!!!

4 weeks down, 6 to go.

it’s kinda weird having countdowns though… counting down how long something’s over, so then.. what next?? i should stop doing this, but it’s a thing of habit.

so anywho – wanna hear how amazing my maryland life has been? haha – wasn’t amazing the word i used in my past entry talking about how life at my internship would be? hehe. but anyways, it’s been more of less pretty cool. ups and downs, of course (brucie! – i miss him). but yeah, so…. as of tuesday i’ll have 10 published clips. i have either 7 or 8 – one was sloted to be in today’s paper but i haven’t checked the paper to day.

confession: i don’t really read the paper. hell, i don’t keep up with the news and i stopped reading my own stories in the paper after the first few.. bad, huh? but hey – we’re newspaper journalists. we know what we write, but we don’t have time to READ the paper like everyone else. thanks, Ike, for saying EXACTLY what i’ve been thinking.

so.. i’m working. only got one paycheck which is going, going gone (thanks to gas, car upkeep expenses, and broken cell phones). m.i.a.m.i. – money is a major issue. but i’m working. i like keeping busy and actually doing stuff. and i’m writing – for a “living.” whodda thunk? my assignments don’t feel like school work, which is good – but i don’t really feel like i’m writing either, which isn’t so good. i need to turn some focus to starting my novel… and writing poetry. i miss poetry.

well, i’m still not sure i have a fav. story yet. it might be the one i just did. positive highlight – getting to sit in this chamber of commerce meeting where this man talked about the state of the healthcare system. made me what to jump right back into the “i’m gonna be a physical therapist” bandwagon. negative highlight – feeling reverse racism – well… feeling like i’m being judged negatively by my own people, black people. i dunno… people look at my light skin, view my suburban ways, and hear the way i talk and they want to set me off into a category as “not black enough.” i hate that. yeah, i had to do a ethnicity story – and i swear, i do not want any more at this paper as long as i’m here. i’m already halfway prepared for some negative backlash when the story comes out on tuesday. terrible.

but that’s that. school has been alright too. the 2 and a half hour class is almost unbearable after an 8 hour work day, but at least it’s accounting. it’s math and numbers. i can do math and numbers. we took our first exam wed. i fucked up cuz i went through it too fast. plus i don’t do homework or any studying. but i don’t think it was too bad. i haven’t checked my grades online yet. frankly, i guess i don’t care enough. plus – what am i gonna do, huh?

i should do my homework for monday, but it’s almost done and i dunno – isn’t that what sunday nights are for?? i should though. i’m not sure when i get back on sunday. then again, i don’t know if i’m even gonna leave.

i am gonna leave. i was supposed to go down to va this weekend to see my boyfriend. but with our TERRIBLE communication issues and my broken phone and the long drive with high gas prices and him having to work til 9 and the plans…. ummmm… yeah, i think i’m still going, but i just… don’t have as high hopes as i had originally when i heard from him and we decided to hang out this weekend. his cousins are going be down, but my best friend doesn’t really wanna randomly chill with them and us anymore. i don’t blame her though. if the shoe were on the other foot, i wouldn’t want to. she’s staying with her uncle and aunt – she can’t just come in at 3 in the morning and whatnot. this isn’t college. haha. plus, from what i think now, they’re just gonna be getting drunk and shit. i barely want to go anymore. and i’m probably gonna feel all out of place with them being family and me being the only girl – the girlfriend, at that.. the girlfriend who selfishly wants some alone time with her man. so i don’t know how it’ll turn out… but i’m going. and before i leave, we’re gonna have to have some kinda serious talk about the state of this relationship… i can’t punk out. i have to tell him how i feel.

confession: sometimes i think i should be single.

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  1. sooo… did u go?????????

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