searching for a guide through life


i’m just sitting here listening to some old Biggie Smalls classics and examining the ends of my hair. i’ve never been particularly found of Biggie, but he represents New York so he’s ok with me in that respect. and i really wish i had hair cutting scissors but i’d probably do something bad – ugghh, i sooo don’t trust most hair dressers though.

i’m bored.

what i could use right now is a boy to dance to this song with me.. biggie had to go on pause for a second. had to go to vh1 to get my fix of Damian and Stephen Marley’s unplugged version of “All Night.” that’s just a great song. ::giggles::

i’ve been away from xanga for a minute. i dunno. i just didn’t feel like writing about things, i guess. nothing bad.. just nothing really worth writing about.

i almost joined a church. i don’t think they really remember me though… and i’m about to slip out anyway.. so that’s that. in fact, i’m not sure i’m going to church tomorrow. i really want to go running in the morning.. go to a track and just run.. my spirituality’s within anyway. i know how important church is.. i know. i just need to be with me and God tomorrow.

hmm.. aint that how it is everyday? i’ve been feeling a tad bit alone for a while. it’s probably because i’m in this town all alone and not near my family or friends.. but i’ll be there soon enough. just three weeks to go – and i’ll be in jersey the next two weekends anyway. it’s family reunion time! (ironic how all 3 reunions ended up being in the nj/ny area this year)

i haven’t talked to the boyfriend in like 3 weeks.. i mean, really talked to him. not a ten second hey-i-can’t-talk-right-now convo. i miss him and i want him to call or pick up the phone so i can hear his voice and know everything’s cool with him. but on the other hand, i’m almost dreading talking to him cuz i think i might need to end things between us. and that’s not gonna be an easy conversation… hey, it might not happen. we might try to work things through my concerns.. but i don’t know. it’s hard, cuz i love the man he is.. i just… don’t think this is working. and my heart hurts. and something in my inituition is telling me he’s not the one. that scares me. i dunno what’s gonna happen. but since i can’t reach him – it is what it is right now.

i made a promise to myself – to live happily. i hope i don’t break my promise.

i’m not a writer. i don’t feel as though i can call myself that. but i will be. trust.

i realize i’m gonna have to get on my hustle now. ::laughs:: but forreal now..  i will fight for this.

my destiny, huh…


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  1. Anonymous on said:

    3 weeks Nicole?
    You know whats going on. Don’t ignore your gut feeling…. Toni Braxton said it best “7 whole days and not a word from you, 7 whole night nights and I’m just about through/ can’t take it/ won’t take/ can’t take no more… I had about enough of you… I’d rather be on my own…” If I don’t hear from my “friend” in 72 hours, I’m ready to ring the alarm… LOL Just be careful….

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