in a short…
avoidance is what i need to ex out my life. it is poison.
i’ve been avoiding a school-like related responsibility that i never wanted to take on in the first place. but i committed to taking it on and now it’s making me physically sick and mentally drained.
i’m avoiding confrontation with my boyfriend. because a) i genuinely care for him and don’t want to hurt him; b) i don’t want to be alone; and c) i’m a punk when it comes to confrontation. but i know in my heart that our relationship needs to change – and i’m leaning towards seperation.
and i’m avoiding writing. because i’m avoiding what God has placed in my life as a gift. i keep pushing to do things my way, when i also know in my heart that i should be doing it His way.
one of my good friends asked me the other day why am i being such a masochist. why i keep allowing myself to get hurt – why i’m hurting myself. and i couldn’t think of a good answer.. but i’m letting this poison of avoidance (and denial) in my life. and that’s fucking stupid.
so, in a short… i’m gonna clean my life up.