A*North*Star

searching for a guide through life

in a short…

avoidance is what i need to ex out my life. it is poison.

i’ve been avoiding a school-like related responsibility that i never wanted to take on in the first place. but i committed to taking it on and now it’s making me physically sick and mentally drained.

i’m avoiding confrontation with my boyfriend. because a) i genuinely care for him and don’t want to hurt him; b) i don’t want to be alone; and c) i’m a punk when it comes to confrontation. but i know in my heart that our relationship needs to change – and i’m leaning towards seperation.

and i’m avoiding writing. because i’m avoiding what God has placed in my life as a gift. i keep pushing to do things my way, when i also know in my heart that i should be doing it His way.

one of my good friends asked me the other day why am i being such a masochist. why i keep allowing myself to get hurt – why i’m hurting myself. and i couldn’t think of a good answer.. but i’m letting this poison of avoidance (and denial) in my life. and that’s fucking stupid.

so, in a short… i’m gonna clean my life up.

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  1. Anonymous on said:

    R. Kelly sang about it best “When a woman’s fed up, it ain’t nothing you can do about it… Its like running outta love and then its too late to talk about it” When you’ve had enough, you’ll fix it. Take your time. You’re not being stupid.. You’re being human. I went back to a man this summer that has a baby on the way and when I got tired of the baby mama drama, I left but I knew what I had gotten myself into. We’re young. Akuna Matata!

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