searching for a guide through life

just gotta make it.

i’ve had a poster with those words hanging up in my dorm room for the last three years, but it’s so true. i just GOTTA make it. like there’s no other option.

not saying it won’t be hard. actually it’s the knowledge of how hard it’s going to be that is paralyzing me right now, causing me to let life pass me by day after day instead of taking hold of my dreams and living it out. that’s my biggest weakness – letting the doubts, worries, what ifs and unknowns keep me paralyzed or, just as worse, following the safe path. and the safe path is anything i can do that’s not my dream. journalism, i believe, is my safe path. things are rough in my family right now. these past few years, i’ve seen grown people well into their careers experience the loss of their company, company/job layoffs, not getting the freelance work they were hoping for. i’ve seen people struggle months and months on the job hunt and still not find a job or a good job because of inexperience, felony records, or just a bad job market. i feel the stress of not knowing how to allocate your last few dollars between bills and gas and taking care of your kids. worrying about losing the roof over your head. the loss that death or divorce has – beyond the emotional. the constant low hunger of knowing you can’t just eat all you want to cuz everything you consume is money – unless you get them $1 burgers from mickey d’s (and even that adds up). it’s been a struggle.

but i’ve GOT to make it. i don’t know how to put it in words how much my heart aches for this. how bad i want my family to have a stable life and not have to constantly have that stress in the back of their minds all the time. the stress of wondering, how we’re going to get our lives back together and how we’re going to put everything back on track. i want to BE on track. i want to be living out my dreams and constantly helping others live out theirs. instead of worrying and hustling, i just want to be around to enjoy my family and friends and the world. i just want to be happy.

the question is no longer “can i do this?” but “will i do this?”

and i pray to God Almighty that i do.

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