A*North*Star

searching for a guide through life

thank God that music can make me smile.

ugh – i’ve cried some bad tears in the last 24 hours. i was supposed to be on my way to st. pete right about now, to see my baby. but when i told my grandfather, he flipped out, got so upset. so now it’s 100 percent obvious that they don’t approve of my boyfriend nor how i approach my relationship. and that’s so hard. not that i haven’t experienced it before. but to have the people you love against the man that you love – i guess that’s what they call being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

so — they won this time. i stayed home. great… great… now, not only am i risking not being able to see him all summer, but now i got all their voices and opinions and viewpoints in my head and it’s fucking with how i normally function. i hate that. they want what is best for me. i know that. i understand that. but not ONCE did they mention they wanted to see me happy. they said they wanted me to be with someone that’s heading in the same direction i am heading in; never once said they want me to be with someone that completes my heart.

::inside scream::

::deep breath::

so, i’m continuing to pray about it. that’s the advice my mother gave me (the only supportive family member in all this!!) and what my boyfriend told me. God listens to our prayers. just have faith, believe, keep your head up, be strong.

so much of my strength oozed out of my body in tears yesterday. but today is a brand new morning. that last breath i took was a brand new breath. i, we, can make it through this. with God in our hearts, at the center, everything will work out in its own time according to His way. maybe that’s been my problem. i’ve been wanting things to go my way…

::sigh::

in other news – the magazine came out yesterday. i’m officially published in a magazine. why don’t i feel more excited about that?

hmmmm… i need to get back on track with this novel thing… and my nonprofit research…

and now… for some crazy reason, i’m considering grad school..

life is random.

i saw Corey’s father on the MARTA yesterday…

 

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