searching for a guide through life

but sometimes i let things get the best of me and i get overwhelmed.

what am i supposed to do? what am i supposed to be? how am i supposed to live? can i do everything? can i do anything?

such is the life, huh…

i’m about to graduate from college in 6 months. and like everyone else says, my has the time gone by. and yet – me being me – i had to shorten the experience more. i’m graduating (at least i plan to graduate) a semester early. why, you ask? well, basically, because i can. because i will be finished with all that i need to do and i know that it’s time for me to move on. to stop hiding behind the cushion of planned out curriculum guides and suggested course of studies. to step out from the testing, grading, passing, failing system of life that i’ve come to know for the past 16 years. to walk out on faith that i can do something meaningful and productive in this world.

yet i look at myself and i can see a scared paralyzed girl beneath the air of confidence that i tend to speak out. and the reality is clear that i don’t know what to do.

and the kiss of death, on top of it all, is that i won’t do what i know i’ve been put on this earth to do.

i’m scared. it’s unstable. there are too many “what ifs.” too many reasons to doubt.

it’s not supposed to be this way.

i’ll take any crazy, stupid, boring, unreasonable task from school or my work and just do it. just like that. just because i’ve been assigned and know that i have to get it done.

yet, you could look at it one way and say that i was assigned to be a writer. so, why aren’t i getting it done??


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