i realized yesterday just how disappointed i am with my life. and just how depressed that makes me feel. and ironically, i’m on the “right” path.
so, now i’m considering all kinds of things. thinking about running away, disappearing totally for 3 to 6 months, without any contact whatsoever from my current world. but would shutting myself out make me happy… or just even more lonely? i don’t know, but i need to take the time to get this right. cuz where i’m spiraling to – i don’t want to end up.
i tried atlanta. can’t do it here. especially not alone. i crave home. suddenly, i distinctively have a home. it’s just, i don’t have my own place to lay down my hat, and i’m on the verge of thinking my home is going to up and abandon me… without explanation. it’s only been 8 days. but it feels like it’s been a lifetime since i’ve heard from my heart. need him badly. but even more, need to be with him. need to understand things that phone conversations are sure not to bring. need to physically feel his comfort… and his pain.
i’m trusting on God to get me through. it’s all i can go off of. want so bad to just leave and forget about everything. obligations and money — evils of the world.
my spirit wasn’t meant for this way of life.