searching for a guide through life

on pause.

in a way, i feel like my life’s been on pause for the past four months. that’s one thing i won’t miss about college — the breaks. don’t get it twisted, i look forward to the breaks as much as the next student, but i feel so weary from bouncing back from here to there, not knowing where to keep my stuff, what residence to call home. everything i’ve been doing, i do in segments. i’m always counting down. 15 week semesters, 10 week internships. nothing permanent. nothing stable.

i’ll be off pause for a minute. back to school. and then — after graduating… i don’t know where i’ll be.

i’m not one who can fall back on my parents. i honestly feel like going back to jersey after graduation is no type of option whatsoever. which basically means, i don’t have an option, i have to make it. even if i’m working somewhere i hate just to keep a roof over my head and food in the refridgerator. i have to do this. me.

and i worry if i can… and if it’ll be enough.

what happened to my dreams? what happened to my hopeful naivete? what happened to my drive?

i don’t know, but i need some type of revival.

::sigh:: well, in five days i’ll be home. and back with my love. couldn’t come fast enough..

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