which way is up?
i’ve sat down to write this blog time and time again. but when i got to the blank page, i just froze. i don’t know how to explain it all.. from the superficial to the most serious. i don’t know where to start.
there is no format, no guideline for the type of life i’m living. and the choices i make have more and more impact on everything. and i guess, in a way, i’m scared.
i wish i could hear God’s voice more. just a little bit louder, just a little more stronger. maybe i’m not listening hard enough. maybe i need more church and less internet. who knows.
i can feel her worry for me too. my mother. it’s in her voice when we talk. how she tries to guide me without forcing me one way or another. i’m the second in the row. the second of her children to really get into this growing up thing. my older brother lives at home. no solid job. no real plans. bills and not enough money. i don’t want to become my brother.
and then, in a way, i don’t think my mother wants me to become her. she went straight from college to living with my dad. supporting his plans, marrying him, having his kids. and the fairy tale still hasn’t kicked in.
i want better for my family. and i want better for me. but sometimes, i just don’t know where to start.