searching for a guide through life

i am a college graduate. 

it still feels weird to say that. extremely weird. it is such a big deal which came with absolutely no pomp and circumstance. i remember when i graduated high school. heck, i still remember when i graduated middle school and this is nothing like those times. but nevertheless, i’m happy about my accomplishment.

now i just need to start on my future. ideally, those college years were supposed to be the start. that’s when you prepare yourself for the job you have in the future. but honestly, in my heart of hearts i know that God did not place me on earth to be a journalist. it is not my path. it’s the path i chose because i decided to be couragous enough to pursue my writing but only in a halfhearted effort. journalistic writing was never it. i’ve known that for a while, but instead of stepping out, i just stuck with what i knew and became good at it. could i be a successful journalist? yes. but it would kill my soul to dedicate my life to be something i never wanted to be.

so what i need is the strength and the courage to find my true path and to persue it. i really want to be a better person, yall. i really do. one thing i admire so much about the man i love is his immense desire to make life better for the next generation. he’d do anything to make sure his daughter and his future kids have a better life than he’s had and i respect him so much for that. he inspires me to be a better person.

i thank God for that man. right now, our relationship is kinda at a weird spot but we still both love each other a lot. a few weeks ago, we went through this thing. this thing i wasn’t sure we’d recover from. and from it i realized that i gotta stop holding on so tightly and trying so hard to keep control, because honestly, it’s really up to God. i realized i need to concentrate on nicole a lil bit more than i have on “nicole and justin.” i have no idea where the future for us stands, but i know i’m completely in love with my best friend and i look forward to us getting to know each other more and watching each other grow.

well… i’m still on the job hunt. haven’t heard back from the place i had the interview at so i’m not sure what that means. i’m doing online research now, but when i get back home, i’ll do the major pursuing. home. i have a home. it feels so good to say that. it’s only a six month lease and i share it with two other girls and imma have to work hard to make the rent, but it’s nice to have my own place to call home for a minute. i hope this is the beginning of good things to come.

i’m still hoping, still praying. this year, and the one before it, has been a crazy, hard one for my family. but i know we’ll make it through.

well, off to bed.



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