searching for a guide through life

can you please turn down that silence???

living in a house ALL alone for nearly two weeks makes you notice just how loud silence can be. just a minute ago i said “hi” outloud because i don’t think i even heard my own voice all day. my friends come back tomorrow though, and i think my roommates come back sunday. which will be a different kind of adjusting. i mean, mostly i stayed in my room anyway but i just ran the house like it was my own. and soon, i’ll be one of three. and the newbie at that. hmmm…

the other day i asked someone to ask someone to be my roommate. sigh. cause i really want him to come home and plus i really could use help with the rent. and the company and lovely companion my twin can be… so since i can’t reach my twin, of course, i used the middle man – his twin. he texted me back today and told me that he told his brother to call me and he said he would last night. he didn’t call. i mean, at least i tried. and i’m not giving up just yet. there’s still free weekend calls on my phone. i can try florida again. i told jason that now i just have to have hope that his brother will call me back. i mean, the middle man can’t physically make the main man do anything. justin’s on his own thing. but i’m hoping he does call back. i’m hoping he does come home, and we can work something out for the next five and a half months. justin’s often spoke to me about hope.  

i know it’s a new year and everyone’s talking about new changes but i really feel like change is magnified in my life right now. since graduating, so much is new. i won’t say everything, but so much. my mindset. my life. today, i noticed another “new” thing. i haven’t slipped into seasonal depression this year. i mean, not really, not yet. and that’s amazingly wonderful. i’ve had a couple of rough patches but they’ve been results of specific situations: what happened the night of Election Day (which i still haven’t had the courage to admit to many), the pregnancy scare, withdrawal from justin’s departure. you know, things that would get the average person upset. at least the average sensitive person. but there’s been no right out blues at being alive (despite the current challenges) so i take that as a victory.

being unemployed is kinda old news but i’ve been doing a few new things in my spare time. i’ve been working out. three days in a row – go me!!! once the university opens up, i’ll start going to their gym for some real work outs. for now i’ve just been in my room. i’ve been also trying to be healthy by eating less and drinking more water. the eating thing is more of a money issue than a diet issue. i’m trying to let my groceries last til the end of the month. i mean, i’ll probably have to go out at some point to get more bread, cereal, milk, meat… maybe eggs, but i’m trying to keep that list low. at least til i get some cash flow coming in and i make enough for february’s rent. now the water thing, it’s kinda in response to the food thing – water is free unlike juice and water is supposed to keep food cravings at bay.. it’s also a response to the exercise thing, cuz you need to stay hydrated while working out. once i get up to eight glasses a day on the regular, imma go to the blood plasma place. to get some extra cash. (before when i tried to donate blood they couldn’t get to my veins and they suggested i drink more water.) the water thing is okay. just annoying that i have to pee so much now.

the other great “new” thing is that i’m writing again. i’m finally finally finally on chapter two of the novel, which might not seem like a big deal for the average person, but it’s an extreme big deal to me. i went to this writer’s workshop thing last night, which was cool. i even picked back up with my creative writing blog. go me! hopefully i stay encouraged.

well, off to handle some biz.


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  1. i didn’t know you had a creative writing blog go you.

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