searching for a guide through life

solamente yo.

ugh, this being alone thing sucks. i went out as the fifth wheel yesterday. for those who know me, i hate being the loose wheel and will usually refuse to go out rather than to partake in that situation. but my brother’s been bugging me to actually get out the house and hang with them. so i went bowling with him, his girl, his future roommate and his roommate’s wife. two couples and then little ole’ me. i had fun. didn’t suck too incredibly as i thought i would at bowling. and this random negro asked me for my number as soon as i stepped into the joint.. but i dunno. everytime i saw couples acting couply, i missed him. wanted him there so bad. cuz no substitution compares. i had to resort to ben and jerry’s and liquor for my comfort afterwards.

the “competition” is getting on my nerves. i hate that she talks to him more than i get to. i hate that she’s cast doubt in my heart about his intentions. i hate that everything is so unsure. i just want my true comfort back… ::sigh::

i’m back to writing again. i guess. been wanting to do a poem, opened up the blog and it actually flowed. i was supposed to be working on chapter three of the novel, but i get too caught up in how things should be and how long or short it will be and then i just get frustrated in that stage and give up.. ugh. i guess no one said it’d be easy.

cuz me and my buddy are launching this bizness up on our own, we are taking advantage of our bosses (ourselves) and putting in to many personal days and rain checks. i’m def. guilty of it. but we aren’t going to go anywhere if we keep up. so i pray we stay disciplined. i need this.

the other job search isn’t going so peachy either. i’m too stubborn and picky and confused and poor. locked into this lease and don’t know what kind of assistance i can rely on in the near future. i just want a break.

i’ll be more optimistic tomorrow. sorry.


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