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confessions (rant) of a waitress

(just wanted to share these tidbits cuz after three and a half years of school and a bachelor’s degree, my crazy.sexy occupation is a restaurant server.. in a movie theatre at that. haha. it’s my life. i hate it at times, love it at others. but i had to do this post, because the customers at my job be tripping!!)

**the customer is not always right. please do not bring your stank attitude to me. i’m polite to you, i except you to be polite to me. the worst thing to do is to be rude to your wait staff. we handle the food you eat!! and there’s what?? one, two, three, four, five of you? there’s a whole crew of us. we’ll hold each other down. so calm down**

**i will lie to you. i don’t care how long i’ve worked here, please realize that i haven’t eaten everything on the menu. but i will lie and tell you it’s good – whether i think it looks like crap and i’d never order it in my life or whether it looks tasty but i’ve never tried it yet. i’m a creature of nature and i eat the same freakin things all the time – chicken fingers, pepperoni pizza, broccoli bites.. but “try that gyro, man, it’s amazing..” umm, yeah, about that..**

**i’m not your friend. i don’t care how bubbly or personable i might seem. don’t hold me up with random small talk. i DO have work to do, other tables to get to, food and drinks to run. if you’re not ready to order, it takes one simple request: “can you give us some more time with the menu?” don’t have me standing awkwardly in front of you waiting, acting like you need my company. thanks**

**in addition, don’t ask me for my number. i don’t care if i’m single. i don’t care if you’re fine. i don’t give my number out at work. if you’re interested, well, you know where i work and i appreciate a good tipper. **

**public service announcement. servers/waitstaff.. we don’t get paid minimum wage like other jobs. we RELY on tips. that means the money you’re supposed to leave in addition to your food/drink bill. when i say RELY, i mean, rent don’t get paid, babies don’t get fed if you decide to be an asshole and not leave a tip. or leave just the change, like 38 cents. what the f*** is that?! and by the way – i’d say a general tip is between 10 and 20 percent. my parents taught me 15% but i know that it varies. if you’re gonna drop $88.50 on a meal, don’t just give me the remaining $1.50 from the $90 and act like you’re doing me a favor.**

**please remember, patience is key. sometimes things just happen. if your drink somehow did not find its way to your table, politely make us aware and be patient. it’s not that we have a personal vendetta against you and want you to die of thirst. it is probably that we have literally 60 other drink orders (at the SAME time) and yours just happened to slip through the cracks. we’re sorry. we’ll fix it. please don’t let your blood pressure rise.**

**to all you picky eaters (ugh): it’s not the end of the world if your meal comes with a lil something you don’t like. guess what? you can pick it off. we’re not mcdonald’s. never promised you can have it your way.**

**and what the heck is up with you trying one meal, taking a couple (or several) bites out of it and then deciding you don’t like it and want it taken off your bill?? who DOES that? i was raised that if you get something you don’t like, you eat what you can or eat off your family’s plates and just understand that next time, you won’t order that choice from that restaurant. all meals aren’t made equal across all restaurants.**

**as a general rule — if you’ve patronized a restaurant and realized you don’t like something about it, you are taking your own risk to come back… it might be the same exact way. if the popcorn or the fries were bad the last 3 times you were here, think about it… it might be a habit. why try it again? i personally choose not to go to the Wendy’s near my job or to Cheddar’s cuz of the service… and if i do end up there, i know what it’s gonna be like so i feel like i have no right to complain.**

**you’re not the only customer in the world. if you see that the theatre is packed (and chances are, we might be working more than one theatre), don’t go balistic if you don’t get star treatment. take a walk in our shoes for a day.. for two freakin hours and see how stressful it can be. then complain.**

**walking out on your bill is such a punk move. this aint a free soup kitchen. this aint your momma’s house.**

**oh, and i’m not a human calculator. the prices are right on the freakin menu. please don’t ask me how much the total will be, expecting me to add four meals in my head, plus drinks and the tax. frankly, it scares me cuz i assume that you only have just enough money to cover the bill and won’t tip or, worse, not enough.**

**i didn’t make up the portion size of your meal or the prices. i won’t go back and see if they can give you a little more of that or take a discount off for this. (i actually had a customer ask if their meal went over $20 could they round it down to $20 because they were struggling college students. what??!!) if we did that for everyone, we wouldn’t have a business.**

mmmm.. well, that’s all i can think about right now. i gotta be back at work in less than 10 hours. i should be asleep right now.. lol.

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