searching for a guide through life

“Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does…”

I want a new job. After all them years of school, after all the hard work, the kissing up, the brilliant results, the bachelor’s degree… i feel some kind of way to state that my full-time occupation is a waitress. I want more. I want a salary and benefits. I want to be able to financially support not just me, but my family (the one I have now and the one that’s to come in the semi-near future). I want a chance to move up and excel. I want success.

But at the same time… I actually like what I do. I like the busy hustle bustle, not sitting at a desk all day. I like the night time hours where I don’t have to be up at 7 am and make sure I’m asleep by midnight. I like the chill work atmosphere and I love my co-workers. Where else will I find co-workers that are literally like family to me? It won’t be the same anywhere else.

But at the same time, I know I can’t work at the Cafe all my life. Even if I were crew leader and bartender and whatever else. It just wouldn’t fly. But with the economy so bad and my motivation so poor… maybe this is where I’m going to stay for a while.

I’m ignoring my love for writing. Most the time, blogging is my extent of being creative. And that’s a shame. I miss poetry and art and music. You know, in the way I used to enjoy it. But i can’t seem to find the time.. or the energy.

I don’t know. I guess I just need to get on the grind. I need to fight for this. I need to become super aggressive to get my dream job, to follow my passion, to start my business and to get my h.e.a.r.t back. There’s a lot I’m fighting for.

“Love is a battle, love is a war. Love is a growing up.”

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