searching for a guide through life

::color me beautiful::

so…. it’s summer. but no longer are the days of lounging in uniondale, ny. popcicles and barbeques. freeze tag and sprinklers. reruns of rugrats and are you afraid of the dark (and i was afraid of that show).. nah.. it’s a whole different scene. uncharted waters. making my way through.

you know what i have gained back though? my emotions. sometimes at the most unconvenient times. i’m a crier. yes, i cry. and most times i can’t help it. when i’m stressed especially. just yesterday the tears came from stress. but i had my best friend who actually stopped playing video games, comforted me with words and then laid on top of me (one of my fav physical comforts and i am talking about in a nonsexual way, btw). i cried in his hair.


Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
-Matthew 6:25-27

this is my personal inner mantra of the moment. to stop myself from stressing so much and to know that everything will be ok. God’s got me. i’m in the best hands i could be in.

i was talking to my cousin the other day and we were saying how although we’re going through tough times now, our lives will probably fall into place in a few years and we’ll look back on these times differently. now, though, yeah it is a struggle. financially i think is where i’m being hit the hardest. i desperately want a better job so i can improve my life situation, but when i think of it honestly, i’m not trying hard enough. i need to act like the word hustle is branded on my chest in it’s all i can do. i have to be on the grind like bloodied knuckles, blistered toes, droopy eyelines grind. but i know imma fall asleep nice tonight and i won’t wake up at 6 am to start my hustle. ughhh… laziness. the worst attribute in the world.

someone told me the other day that with the current economy, our generation will have to find a new way to make ends for themselves, primarily charting out into entrepreneurship. i have to say that yeah, i do agree. i have to make time for my individual pursuits, which include starting the blog, starting the kids series, writing the novel. at the same time, i need my steady money. i need to look into side hustles … freelancing maybe?? i want to pick up a second job, but at the same time, i want to get a full-time salary position with benefits. i’m cfo of our life (LOL) which actually is a very important position, because i need to get a grip on our money, spending and savings. we’re getting into leasing as a multiple stream of income, but i still have my eyes set on doing bigger. it’ll be nice to see the day when i don’t have to work. he tells me that i won’t have to worry about making the money, just managing it while i concentrate on my writing. isn’t that amazing?! i have a great b.u.d.d.y.

well…. we shall see where i am next time around.

later days.




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