searching for a guide through life

i feel like im in a daze. trapped underwater or in a dark cloud. i just feel wrong. i feel bad. i feel helpless.

they say money isn’t everything. but it would mean a lot if i had some. here i am, a full fledged adult, not a child, not a student, just a failure of an adult who can’t get it together enough to have a job or a place to live. i barely even have the motivation. when you’re so far down the whole that you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, when you begin to convince yourself maybe the light doesn’t exist, then what’s the point of even trying.

i hate having to depend on others for help. not when i’m an adult and i know i should be doing this on my own. all i want is my boyfriend… and he’s on the other end of the country, in the same position as i am. why didn’t we try harder to stay together?

i hate it here, where i am. i love my family… apart from them, there’s nothing. nothing here for me.

despite the depression — i STILL want better. the question is… how can i get there?

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