A*North*Star

searching for a guide through life

step two. i got a job.

it’s been a strange crazy whirlwind lately, but a lot of good things are coming together. justin got a job working at the mcdonald’s overnight. i had an phone interview last wednesday. dad went to the hospital the next day and while he was there, they called me up to tell me that i got the job. i officially accepted it on friday and now i’m trying to find housing so i can move down there next week.

it’s a little much to handle so i try not to think about the hard stuff and just do. i have to make a bunch of calls today and i’m just praying that things pan out. money is an issue, of course. my mom offered to take out a loan for me through her job and as much as i don’t want her to, i think i’ll have to ask her. i’ve never really moved like this, to a brand new place, completely on mind own without the shelter of college or friends or anything familiar. and so far…. but it’ll be ok. i keep trying to tell myself. (secretly: i’m scared out my mind.)

i wish i didn’t loan any money again. i kick myself in the ass all the time. i’m really relying on him to get some money and come through for me, but i don’t know if that will happen in my short time schedule. and man, i still have money to pay back! that’s why i’m very thankful for this job. i’ll be making more money than i would have hoped for my first journalism job outta college, so i’ll have to do whatever to stay on my grind and keep it, so i can get my finances back on track some. soooo can’t wait til that happens. i hate fussing with him about money. it stresses me out so much when he asks for a loan because he blows through money too fast. now he’s suffering again and i want to help but i basically can’t. i can’t always be the bail out, especially when i need help too. i want him to know it’s ok to turn to me, but i much rather him take more financial responsibility and make better choices.

long distance relationships really sucks balls. at least i may be able to see him for a second on the way down to mississippi. gosh, i love him and miss him so much. and i have to admit, sometimes i wonder what he’s doing down there. i dunno… maybe i’m hearing too much in the media about cheating and infidelity and it’s getting to my head. i just… don’t want him to have another. i want to be his only, just like he is mine.

i really want him to move with me, but i know he just got that job and it’d be wrong to flake out. plus maybe after a couple months, he could save up so it won’t be so hard on us financially. and maybe he could even get a transfer so when he comes down, he’d have the money and the job and i’d already have our housing down pact. hmmmm… we’ll see.

i really need to get with these side hustles of mine. like i told my bestfriend/businesspartner yesterday, i don’t want to be a workaholic per se, but i need to have like 5 jobs so that i can be able to support my family correct.

hmmm… so much to do, so little time. back to the to-do list.

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