searching for a guide through life

step three. i moved.

it’s actually been a couple weeks since i moved, i just haven’t gotten around to writing anything in here. the move has definitely been what you might call “bittersweet.” it’s been both good and bad.

the good: well, the move itself was pretty nice. i drove down with my momma. had packed just right so i could miraculously still see out the back window. it was a long trip, but no as gruesome as i thought it’d be. i drove the most and it didn’t bother me at all. the great things were we got to stop in NC and GA for a bit so i could spend some face time with my two best friends – Justin and Courtney. having my mother help me move down was just what i needed. i was blessed to get the place the same day i got there… only from looking at internet pictures and phone calls. we didn’t even see any other places. i went with the first one. my mom was a great help shopping for apartment stuff with me, helping me get settled. she wasn’t able to stay too long though and i literally bawled my eyes out when she left.
but my new place is great. could be bigger, but it’s fine for just me. when i sit back and think about it, it’s a great accomplishment. at 23, i finally have my own place. not my own dormroom, not even my own room in a rental home shared with others, but my very own space. my own apartment. and i love the area. the complex is great (2 pools, fitness center, doggie park, PALM TREES). i’m a block away from the mall and 2 blocks from the beach. i’m less than a mile from work. the weather’s great. every time i drive down the highway adjacent to the beach, i think “i’m in paradise.” the people here are real nice. i like my job. i’m doing good work, i’m keeping busy and i fit in fine with the team. those are all great positives.

then there’s the bad: i’m really lonely. not just “oh, i wish i had someone to hang out with” lonely, but “i’m slipping into deep depression and maybe there should seriously be someone here to make sure i’m ok” lonely. it’s tough. the rational part of my mind keeps telling me that it will get better in time, but right now i’m suffering. the people at work are cool enough, but no one’s really my age. there’s no one i can call up to be like, “hey let’s go out to eat, or shopping, or to the mall, or to the beach.” i miss working at the restaurant, because the majority of the people were my peers. even if we drove each other crazy, we still had someone to call on, ya know… whenever i call home, it makes me a lil sad because i want to be there. i miss Holly so much. when i ask about her, i feel like a mom who left her child to stay with her parents because she couldn’t care for it. and Holly’s not even MY dog. i keep thinking how big she will be the next time i see her and if she will remember me. i miss her curling up next to me at night and all her many facial expressions. i miss everything about her. i hate being so far away. it would take so long to get to my family even if i tried. right now, i’m still experiencing money issues. i thought this job and this move would be like my big break, but i haven’t gotten to that point yet. it’s expensive to live. i’ve tried budgeting and although i don’t think i’ll exactly be living paycheck to paycheck, i’m still not where i want to be financially. i think i’ll have to find a way to supplement my income somehow. my thoughts are to look into freelancing and also make better progress on these business ideas i have going through my head. although i like my job, i can already tell i don’t want to be a newspaper journalist long-term. so as my job evaluates me, i will be making my own assessment to see if this is really where i should be. i’m committing to a year.

::sigh:: so yeah, that’s the pretty and the ugly.i could probably write more, but i’m tired.. i was thinking about waking up early tomorrow and trying to find a church to go to, but we shall see.

❤ Cole

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