A*North*Star

searching for a guide through life

long time, no write…

atleast that’s what it feels like. of course, i write every day for my job, but when it gets to writing my own personal things… it’s a no go. that’s gotta change.

i wake up every morning counting down the minutes til work. it’s terrible. it’s not that i absolutely hate it. it’s just that i absolutely know it’s not what i want to be doing. it’s only been a month and i feel burnt out and drained. i don’t know how people do this for decades.

my mind has already decided i want out. the only questions that remain are when and how. i’m dreaming and planning on starting my own business, it’s just the roadblocks keep getting in my way. the doubts like “are you sure you can do this alone?”, “do you know what you’re doing?”, and “great idea, but will this be profitable?” “Will it be more profitable than just sticking it out at a “real” job with a guarenteed paycheck?” ::sigh:: i don’t know, but i know that i have to try. i have great potential and great desire. i just have to make it happen, by any means necessary. i’m definitely praying to God. He’s the one who put the idea of entrepreneurship in my head at a young age.

i just have A LOT to do. right now, the only things i do are go to work and sleep. in between i’ll watch movies on my laptop or maybe catch a tv show or two. if i’m lucky, i’ll get to talk to my boyfriend. and yeah — that’s my life. not so exciting, but my attitude after work is just one of the desire to relax and wind down, so i don’t keep pushing on my ventures like i should… i need some motivation, but i have no one in my life who’s really holding me accountable for this or kicking my ass when i don’t write a page a day for my novel like i should… hmmm..

in other news… i am just waiting anxiously for mid june. my baby’s moving down here. YES! i know it will be a struggle, but hopefully he will find work fast and hopefully we will be ok and grow stronger. man, i miss my honey. we’ve gone through our challenges with this long distance thing, but i think it’s just making us stronger. he’s the best. him and my family. i couldn’t do this all without them. especially my mom.

my mom and my boyfriend have both pointed out my need for help, so i think i’ll be trying to find a counselor to go to once my medical benefits kick in. for once in my life, i’m thinking that might be a good idea. 

well, i could go on and on (definitely have more to elaborate on) but i need to leave for work like NOW. at least today will be a fairly “short” day cuz i have to cover a late graduation tonight.

🙂

give it to God.

 

-Cole

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