searching for a guide through life


weekend’s over. back to the real world.

had my first long weekend and it was oh so necessary. i didn’t do much at all, but still, the weekend’s ending and i have a smile on my face. originally, i was gonna go to atlanta, but those plans were kind of botched. my boyfriend ended up going down to his hometown and getting into a big fight with his family. he was so pissed off and i was so worried for him, i knew i couldn’t be around my family pretending to be happy when i was so preoccupied with him. plus i knew it’d be best to save up my money and not attempt the long drive when i really wasn’t feeling it. the first couple days i stayed in bed basically, being emo and watching movies on the laptop, worried about my other half. sunday i finally went out. went to the movies to see sex and the city 2, talked to my brother on the phone, went to the beach and went to the bookstore. talk about a necessary feel-good day. especially the beach. it felt so calming just to dip my feet in the water. by that night, justin had calmed down and we talked on the phone for like an hour in the wee hours of the night. oh my gosh, our conversation just confirmed how much i love him times infinity. he’s the best, and i can’t wait until he comes to mississippi. today i spent another lazy day, but i did actually do some writing. i sat myself down and made myself write a chapter in one sitting. tough? yes. feeling accomplished? you betcha. now if i can just keep up that momentum every day, i’ll have the rough draft of my novel done by the end of june. 🙂 

my novel is all planned out, chapter by chapter. not like ALL planned out but each chapter is outlined. i don’t know how authors write without a plan. i mean, i guess i could do that if i weren’t so distracted and had a zen like focus on my book. but my attention span is sooo not having that. i would go in ten different directions without an outline. i started writing this story two years ago and i’m only on chapter five – that shows you how distracted i am. but i’m really attempting to buckle down and put in the work. if only so i can truly say whether i succeeded or failed at this whole creative writing thing. and by the way, i’m determined to succeed!

i’m slowly comprehending that this is my real world. this could very well be what i do for a living, not just a dream i dabble with on the side. i can see my dreams to fruition. it’s that nice?

while my major focus right now is this book, i really want to branch myself into freelancing and public relations. i knew forever ago that i wasn’t really meant for the nine-to-five grind. it’s funny because i’m totally thankful for my job and where it’s brought me and how it’s given me another shot at independence and financial stability, yet all the while, i see it as temporary. because i have other dreams in store.

things have been weird with one of my best friends. i always thought she and i would strike out on this entrepreneurial track together but that just doesn’t seem to be happening. she is agreeable with me when i talk about wanting to start a business yet she doesn’t share my drive or have the same push. she’d be so valuable to what i’m trying to do, but now she’s trying to start grad school and i just think her priorities aren’t going to be where i need them. this has been a huge blow for me, because i’d always thought we’d be a team that way. plus she doesn’t really understand the relationship between my boyfriend and i and the lack of support in that area has been disappointing as well. she’s still my girl and all, i’m just sad to see things changing.

as far as things with my honey and i, i feel like we’re moving along the right path. sure, we’ll still have our rocky times and it’ll feel like it’s the end of the world, but we always get through it. i’m excited about him moving down here although really i haven’t thought that much beyond him physically just being here so i can see him and hold him and spend time with him. today i looked around my place and realized in a couple weeks, this will be OUR place. and although i think he’ll love living here, i worry about him getting a job and getting around without a car. and i know the longer he goes without work, the more strain it’ll place on our relationship, so i’m just praying that everything works out for the best. i’m really excited about us growing together and committing to our future and starting a family together. i’m looking forward to us finding a church home together. i’m looking forward to us individually getting back on our feet and doing what we want to and what makes us happy. i’m looking forward to us living together without the drama of other people. and making friends, because i know justin will be here for only a couple weeks and make friends with people around us when it’d take me months or more to do the same. i’m looking forward to us spending time with my fam when they come down this summer and making a trip to florida to spend time with his people. ::sigh:: he just makes me so happy. i’m so in love and he’s my best friend. 🙂

well, even though i get a late start tomorrow, i should try to get some stuff done tonight. or go to sleep, so i can wake up and get stuff done in the morning. haha. procrastination – the WORST.


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