searching for a guide through life

A few months ago I made these lists. The first list was about where I am right now in my life. The second list was where I’d like to be in my life. The third I titled “How to get there”… but I never finished that list. I didn’t even start it.

I can recognize what I’m missing and what I want… I just can’t seem to put my life into action.

Instead, it’s like I let life happen to me while doing just the minimum.

And that’s not how I want it to be. But it’s like there’s this invisible mountain — well I won’t say mountain because people can climb mountains… There’s this invisible force field that stops me from moving forward. I don’t know if it’s fear, discouragement from let downs in the past, or just bad wiring in my brain. 

I don’t want to be the pessimistic Eeyore, glass-half-empty kind of person. I can’t be that person. I have people relying on me not to give up. And the bare minimum that I do… it keeps me afloat. I mean, I have a good job, good health, a roof over my head, a car to drive around in, I live in a good neighborhood, have supportive family, a loving boyfriend, I can pay my bills… Plenty of people would say… what the hell are you complaining about? You have it good. Shut up and enjoy life.

I wish I could. But I don’t know how….


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