searching for a guide through life

Being off is great in one sense – the time off from work part – but not so great in another – being bored to pieces. At least tomorrow I have a doctor’s appointment to break things up. I’m hoping I get to talk with my doctor for more than the 2-3 minutes they generally allot to their patients and find out what’s really going on with my system. Should be getting the results of the tests I took two weeks ago back. Two weeks is quite a long time when you think about it.

Anyway, I’ve been only minimally semi-productive this week. I’ve looked for jobs and tried to bolster up my presence on LinkedIn. I cut out some newspaper clips. I checked in on the dream job I applied to (they aren’t interviewing yet). I re-analyzed my finances. And that’s about it.

I’ve spent way too much time being lazy and doing nothing… which I’ve actually come to abhor. I mean, I can appreciate a lazy day as much as the next person, but I’m sick of being cooped up in the house all day, I’m sick of lying on the bed watching tv or surfing the net. I want to just DO SOMETHING. LOL. (But I don’t quite miss my job. Looking online and noting more coverage of wildfires and murder just depresses me.)

On a different note – I watched Marley and Me for the first time (it came on tv) and as much as I don’t care for Jennifer Aniston or Owen Wilson and being that I’m not exactly a pet person… that movie had me bawling my eyes out. It made miss my Holly soooooo much. I’d want a house just to bring her down here. 

I miss my parents a lot too. They are in Mexico on vacation right now and I hope they are enjoying themselves. I also hope they decide to fly into New Orleans on the return trip, even though I told them not to worry about me and that I was doing ok… I just miss them tons and want to hang out with them for even a little bit.

My mind has been so overflowing lately. I REALLY REALLY want and need to talk to my significant other, but it never seems like the time is right. We’ve been going through a slump and I don’t want the talk to make things worse. Plus I keep waiting for the right mood – when we are both awake and together and not doing something else – but when has that been lately? I don’t know though. It’s like if I just don’t get what I have to say off my chest, I feel like I’ll burst. The whole thing is – what do I have to say??? Ugh….

I’ve really wanted to smoke a cigarette lately. That’s another little known secret about me. I started smoking sometime last summer and it became my go-go vice in times of stress or when I have too much on my mind. Like now. But I told myself two weeks ago that I had quit and I’m sticking to it. I’ve also been craving a glass of wine or a drink, but I’m trying not to go to that either. Sigh.


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