A*North*Star

searching for a guide through life

I want to get high.

I want to get deliriously dumb. I want to get so numb that I forget responsibility and pain.

It’s supposed to be our anniversary today. The first as an engaged couple and my brain keeps telling me over and over again that I have to leave. Leave before it gets worse. Run away. I’m crying as I write this because it hurts me more than it will ever hurt him. I love him more than he will ever love me. I put him first in my life, higher than myself, higher than God. It’s like he is my god. And I know that he loves me, I know he cares, and he says I mean everything to him, but I feel like nothing.

I FEEL LIKE NOTHING.

So yeah, I want to get high. So high I can’t think anymore or feel. Because the next thing I’d want to do… is to put a knife right through my heart. That pain would feel better than this.

But no, I’ll just be the “good” girl. Go to bed and do tomorrow all over again.

Advertisements

Single Post Navigation

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: