searching for a guide through life

I apologize for the somewhat brash, maybe inappropriate, confession in the last post. But it was just how I was feeling at the time. And this is my journal. My own personal outlet since junior/senior year of high school. If I can’t say it here?!


Mmmmm… anywho. It’s Friday. And it’s 11/11/11. But to me it’s just any other day. I’m home from work, the man is out b/s-ing with his loser friends, and I’m borderline bored as heck trying to distract myself from fully feeling so. Sigh… I kind of miss the days when Friday nights meant something. Ok, ok. So I really never was the social butterfly like that. But, I mean… remember as a kid when Friday’s meant watching all the best shows on TGIF? Nowadays cable channels got hip to the fact that no one (besides squares like me) stay home on a Friday night, so NOTHING good is really on TV. The anticipation of meeting up with my godsisters at the end of the week to troll the mall is over too. One – because we all live in separate places, and two, because I don’t like to waste my money shopping anyhow. It’s been years since my party days as a college kid – Holland jams and house partied were most notably fun in my opinion. And I’m a 9-to-5-er now (more often a 10-to-6-er, lol), so there’s no meeting up with my work fam at the cafe pulling in a nice money-making shift while finding some time to catch clips of the latest movie and being around my peers all night. Now I have old person, boring, pitiful, lonely Friday nights.


I have to work Sunday so that means extra short weekend and extra long work week. Thank goodness Thanksgiving week follows. The holiday breaks up my week because we are getting Thanksgiving off, but unfortunately we have to come back in to work Friday. Except for the lucky m/f-ers who scheduled to take a vacation day around then. I learned you have to literally make your requests at the beginning of the year if you want time off around Thanksgiving or Christmas. Like Jan. 1 – or Jan. 2 since we have New Year’s off as a holiday. But yeah. That stupid Friday is like a monkey wrench in my plans because it means I can’t go anywhere – basically. Unless I want to drive 8 hours to Atlanta and then 8 hours back all within a 24 hour period. No thanks. Last year Justin and I had Thanksgiving here alone, so we’ll manage again this year. I have to work also on Christmas and the day after. The good me is like “just suck it up.” The not-so-good me is like “get a new job and just leave those bastards behind.” I know my co-workers would be thoroughly pissed at me because it’s mean one of them would have to change their plans and volunteer to work Christmas. And I’d feel bad. Because even if I did get a legit new job and all – it probably wouldn’t be anywhere that I’d have to work on Christmas. So I could possibly still work the holiday at the paper but I wouldn’t want to. Come on, it’s Christmas! That’s the one time of the year you should be around family and just enjoy life. And many of these folk have family right here locally. All mine are way far away in New Jersey. Not in Baton Rouge, not north Mississippi, not Alabama — all the way in mother-lovin’ NJ. Beat that! And I get to see them when??? Never. Sigh.

I should have just signed up early to work a holiday like Labor Day or something. But honestly, I really did think I’d be gone by now. And if I were to get a new gig that’ll let me off the hook for working Christmas, I would have to be hired like next week in order for me to put in the proper 2 weeks notice like a good girl. At least I have the week after Thanksgiving off. Granted it’s furlough and I won’t be getting paid, but I ❤ time off. I honestly do. Last week was heaven, and I didn’t even really do anything. I love to work, trust me, and I super-love making money. I just know in my gut that this job isn’t for me. Question is: what is? And also — what am I going to do about it?


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