I’m often lonely. Like a LOT. Ok, I suppose not as much as when I lived completely on my own. But I feel like these days I shouldn’t feel so alone. I wasn’t made to be alone. It makes me feel incomplete and empty.
I wonder sometimes if I’m supposed to be alone because I’m a writer. You often hear of writers living some kind of solitary life. And now I didn’t grow up in a “big” family, but I miss the chatter and the liveliness of people. Even the screaming, the bitching, the whining. I miss the laughter and the togetherness of people I love. People that are here for me. That have my back no matter what.
There used to be a time when I said I wanted like 9 kids. LOL. Well, to be hitting 25 I would definitely have to be starting pretty darn soon. Haha. But no, I’m thinking 9 would be totally too much now. But 4 … yeah, 4 could sit right with me.
But first — I just want one partner. I miss Justin so much… and he’s only asleep in the next room over.
I feel so apart from him. I feel so alone. I need him to rescue me. And as much as I try to explain all this to him, it’s like he doesn’t get it.