searching for a guide through life

I normally don’t comment on pop culture happenings, but I’m kinda loving the song Jay Z just put out in honor of the recent birth of his first child Blue Ivy Carter. I’m not a Beyonce fan – although I do like some of her music. Same can be said about Jay, although I just may like him as a celeb a little more than B. Not that she doesn’t have a sweet personality, but whatever. I digress. The point I’m trying to make is that I’ve been particularly cold concerning this much celebrated pregnancy and much anticipated birth. Why? Because the day Beyonce announced her pregnancy to the world on that awards show was one of the hardest days in my journey to conceive.

I don’t even remember the details. I just remember that I took a pregnancy test that day – not the first I’ve taken, not the last – but when I got the negative result I was, for some reason, more devastated than the rest. Like I completely bottomed out. I remember balling my eyes out and crying to my boyfriend. But of course, like every devastation, life goes on. We had a quiet night in, and although we aren’t really even the award show watching type, the tv landed on that channel. I remember my eyes still being puffy and sore as I watched Beyonce undo her jacket and rub her little baby bump. It felt like a slap in the face. I still can’t listen to that “Love on Top” song.

But despite the fact that I tend to harbor hurt feelings for longer than necessary (and my initial shock about the name), I know that baby is a blessing. All babies are.

So welcome to the world baby Blue.

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3 thoughts on “

  1. *hugs* I hear you girl, I hear you. I just took another pregnancy test the other week and wasn’t even heartbroken about it being negative…I’ve kinda grown numb to it, sad but true. I’m trying my hardest not to focus on what isn’t happening and instead working to improve my health so that I can have a baby :)nonetheless, it’s difficult, when every week, someone else on my newsfeed on FB pops up pregnant. I can’t even pretend like it’s not hard. But I’m happy for them anyways. Just like I”m happy for Beyonce and Jay Z. I’m happy for them and anxiously await the day it’ll be my turn. sending good vibes your way…

  2. @HeadStrongChica Thanks. I’m sending good vibes your way too. 🙂

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