A*North*Star

searching for a guide through life

“i hope i’ll make the right choices.. i hope i’ll be able to learn from the wrong choices i make. i hope i’ll be able to follow my heart and stay grounded and real… not just follow some path because it’ll be success and wealth. not that i don’t want to be finacially stable and be able to provide my kids with all the best.. i just don’t want to have to defer any of my dreams just so that i’ll make more money…”

 

That was written in this blog seven years ago. A 17-year-old, going on 18-year-old, me. I can’t believe I’ve had this journal for over 7 years. And what I had written still rings true.

The choices that face me right now have my head spinning. I’m trying to become the best me, the most authentic me, but honestly, it seems so easy to fall victim to this mindless propulsion down this charted path that’s close but still far enough off from where I want to be.

I tell my future husband that I feel as if our better life is so close within our grasp. Near enough to see clearly, but distant enough not to grab hold.

Tomorrow’s always a new day. Hubby starts a new job and I go back to my old one after having off for Mardi Gras. I also need to start preparing for my next freelance assignment. Work is leaving me burnt out but I’m not sure what my next employment pursuit will be. I’ve used writer’s block as an excuse not to keep constant with my new blog or to get past chapter 4 with the novel I’m writing.

I just need to do better. Start taking care of myself and listening to my heart. This is my life. And my dreams are important.

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