Rain, rain go away.
It’s storming outside. Actually I like the rain. It’s kinda soothing in a way. I kinda just want to turn off all the lights, watch tv and drift off to sleep.
I’ve been ignoring my freelance assignment for about a week. Ugh. It’s just … different from my others in that it’s not a profile and I’m not sure exactly who I should be interviewing. Plus this week at work has been kicking my ass and when I get home all I want to do is chill — lest I really have a breakdown. I almost cried at work today after my boss asked me to work on Saturday. We do have Sunday shifts on a rotation but we know when we are working ahead of time and everything. Springing this on me when I’m so stressed about work that I’m almost counting down the hours until the weekend — well, I think it’s really a jerk move. My boss uses heavy sarcasm and apparent false concern to act like he cares, but it couldn’t be farther from that. Not only are we overworked and underpaid but just the personal atmosphere at my job really bugs me out. I can’t wait to make an exit. All in due time.
I’ve really been thinking about going to see a therapist to help me deal with all the issues I have. I know therapy is a positive thing; I just can’t get over my negative stigma of it. Plus I haven’t always had the best doctor-patient relationship with other medical professionals in the past, and I don’t open up easily to strangers. Sigh… I wish I could just talk to my boyfriend and he help me figure it all out. He told me today that I need to start going to church. I think he’s right. I didn’t grow up going to church and as a result I think my faith isn’t as strong as I wish it would be. It’s not that I don’t believe. It’s that faith is not indoctrined in me. When I’m at my darkest moments I really think that God has abandoned me. My spiritual health, as well as other aspects of my life, is just weak now. I need to get stronger. And actually I feel like when I did go to church on a regular basis when I was in college and in the summers when I was younger, I did feel stronger, more whole, happier and more myself during those periods. I am nervous about finding a church home though. I’ve never had one of those.