searching for a guide through life

I’m in procrastination nation. Like most days after work, all I want to do is relax and unwind. However I can’t enjoy myself 100 percent because of the looming deadline of my freelance assignment. This assignment has been a pain but I must soldier through. And though it’s very tempting to pull an all-nighter (or all-dayer) on Saturday before it’s due Sunday, I need to work on this mess on nights like this instead of … well blogging and watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta on Hulu. Haha.

It’s so quiet in the apartment too. Which is a good thing regarding a higher concentration level but a bad thing regarding missing my man so much. I hate days like this when I’m working days and he’s working nights because it’s like we literally never see each other. And I just love being in the presence of my guy. Just being close to him makes life that much better. I’m always thankful we’re both working in times like these. I just honestly miss one-on-one time with him. And then when we do have time and we do go out we: 1.) spend too much money out and 2.)keep it lighthearted and ignore all the heavy decisions we need to make together.  ::Sigh:: I swear I have all these plans I’m making myself and having these conversations with him in my head (LOL) but our normal day-to-day is keeping us stuck in one spot.

Like the wedding. He had originally suggested getting married last summer and I said yes. Then I said how about in October, because I just have this unreasonable desire to keep our wedding anniversary around the same time as our dating anniversary. October 2011 came and went. It’s six months away from October 2012. Have we done any serious wedding planning? No. I’m sick of letting day-to-day dreariness zap the life out of our lives. Like my plans to have a great 25th birthday celebration in Memphis. It was shut down because I got less income tax than I expected and we didn’t save up enough money than I had hoped for the house and so I decided not to go big in an attempt to save. If I were to die tomorrow my obituary would read: She had many high hopes and great plans for her life — but kept putting them off for the right time, which never came.

It’s time to just live. I’m not saying drop all responsibilities and sensibilities, but it’s time to try and it’s time to do.

I need to get serious about my novel. I want to plan a trip or actually take advantage of some of the wonders of my hometown that I write about for a living but don’t participate in. I need to spend time with my future in-laws and meet my beautiful future step-daughter. I need to make my commitment to my man legal. I need to commit to my God. I need to take care of my body and spirit and soul and mind. I need to be active in my community. I need to grow. I need to leave the things that are holding me back from happiness.


:: Her inhibitions were her cage

Added ten years to her age

Golden girl needed to fly

Spread her wings and say goodbye ::


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  1. sounds like ALOT goin on. might help to break things down into smaller tasks. i.e. step 1 set a date. step 2 venues. step 3 dress step 4 photographer, etc…keep it simple! And get Justin’s help! You’ll go crazy trying to do it all! Don’t let too much more time pass! You can plan a VERY simple affordable wedding in six months…it is doable, I know folks who’ve done it in less time! Take it one step at a time! And don’t forget to BREATHE and ENJOY!

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