searching for a guide through life

The excitement about the next two weeks is definitely yielding to a batch of mixed emotions. My fiance’s already calling me from work to let me know he’s going to miss me, and I already miss him too. We decided that I’d just take a bus to Georgia to visit my family for the week and then when I get back we’ll take a trip to Florida so he and I can spend time with his family and celebrate his birthday. I’m trying not to stress, but I hate being away from him for such a long span of time. Honestly, I feel like I don’t even like to be away from home for that span of time. After about three days I’m ready to be at home in my own bed with my familiar surroundings. I thought I’d have a bunch of time while I’m off work to take care all of the stuff I’ve been putting off like job searching, doctor’s appointments and house hunting. While family time is more important and so rare, I feel some sorta way about not being able to take advantage of extra time at home.

I also have this issue with feeling like I’m overburdening people. The last time I talked to my grandmother about this trip she made a joke about not knowing where everybody was going to stay for the week. It’s just so many family members have used their home for temporary to semi-permanent boarding that I down want to overcrowd them and all. I really have no idea what the living situation is down there or where we’ll crash each night. Or what we’ll do every day. Not everyone has time off work like we do. We’re coming in without cars and although it’s nice to have my parents spoil me with meals out and shopping trips, it makes me feel a little uncomfortable because I’m so used to being independent and very frugal. On the flip side, I’m wondering how far I’m going to go off my budget when my baby and I go down to Florida. Just getting there and staying in hotels will be an expense but I’m also nervous about wanting to impress his folks. My inner self wants to spoil the mess out his daughter especially. I’m worried about what she’ll think of me and how we’ll connect. I’d love to treat her and my nieces and nephews to Chuck E Cheese or something super fun and memorable. I know I could definitely go overboard if I don’t reign myself in.

Hmmmm… I really really haven’t had a vacation in a while, so I don’t know how I’m going to take it all. I just know one thing — I’m going to enjoy myself.


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