searching for a guide through life

When we were kids, my cousins and I used to spend the summers together at our grandparents’ house. When summer ended and it was time to go our separate ways, there was always this quiet, dull, empty feeling that lingered around for a while. That’s what I’m feeling right now.

The past few days on vacation at my grandparents’ house spending time with the entire parental side of my family was absolutely wonderful. Just spending good old fashioned family time doing nothing but sitting around, catching up, laughing, reminiscing and eating was a blast. We didn’t exactly accomplish having all of the cousins together in the same room at the same time — something that hasn’t been done in more than a decade’s time if at all — but we got some good quality time in. I really missed my hubby (and it turns out he really missed me) but being there just those five days sort of transformed me into an older version of myself that I thought I’d lost. Or forgot about. It was good being Colee — in purest form.

That vacation really shook me up.

Now … I’m not quite sure where to go from here, but I feel like something radical is about to come from that five-day awakening. Also over the course of my trip, we received word that my godsisters’ grandpa — the father of one of my dad’s closest friends — passed away. His death shocked me because I’ve always thought of Mr. Monroe as a very vibrant man. He wasn’t particularly sick. It just took me aback and made me think of how suddenly our loved ones can be taken away from us and how we must cherish the time we have with them while we’re all here. So I’m thinking of moving to Atlanta.

I don’t particularly like Atlanta; I’ll be the first to say that. The thing is … my family is there. Well, a lot of my family. And so is a lot of Justin’s. It’s not too far from Florida and I have a feeling us moving there might increase that magnetic pull and get more of our family down there to live. I never exactly thought of settling down in a place where I could walk to a relative’s house or live in the same city as a bunch of my folk, but now that I rethink things, it is pretty darn ideal. I love my Mississippi home but honestly, there’s nothing here to keep us here. No family/friends/community connection. No major incentive to stay for a job. No housing commitments. I love it here but … I can always come back. I may not always get to spend this time right now with some of my family members.

This new shake-up is definitely throwing a wrench in the plans. It isn’t all a done deal because there’s a lot to still think about. But … I’m thinking about it.

This trip solidified how much family means to me and that also means taking the time and spending the resources to stay connected with and visit the family who may not live close by. Jersey trips and Florida trips need to be factored into the regular budget somehow. And this desire to be married and start a family … I can’t keep treating it like a pipe dream. It’s time to get serious.

I also need to get serious about my health. And about my career goals/business plans.

The second half of 2012 is major league time.


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