A*North*Star

searching for a guide through life

P.U.S.H. – Pray Until Something Happens

 

Ok, this will have to be a short update because I have sooo much going on right now and I’m already sleepy on top of everything.

I’ve been praying a lot lately. Praying through not being able to see a good outcome in the mess I’ve gotten myself in. Praying through tears and fears. Sending God my requests and trusting He will see me through.

It’s hard. The unknown is hard. Trust, for me, is hard. I like stability. I like to see things or back them up with facts. Although I have taken risks, doing things out of the norm is a big deal for me.

After the novelty of living close to family and having a chance at a better job wore off, the reality of the decision I made hit hard. I’m now unemployed and in a few days will be homeless. These are things I did by choice. And it’s bad enough to go through that myself but I put the love of my life in the same predicament. Because of a decision I made too hastily without making 100 percent sure he was 100 percent behind it, he is leaving his job and home as well — to be jobless and homeless in a new area that neither of us know too much about. I may be his best friend, but he has other friends he is leaving because of me. The things he was building up here, he very may have to start all over with. All because of the mere hope for a better life.

I feel horrible, because it’s too late to turn back and I’m having so many second, third, fourth thoughts. I feel so guilty about potentially putting my love in a bad situation. And although I’ve saved some and am getting help from family, the financial costs of this decision are very stressful.

But despite it all, despite the pull to fall into a deep depression, I am praying until something happens. I know something great has to come from this.

These past couple days with my family, especially the past 30 hours or so with my parents in Mississippi have been amazing. Tomorrow my parents, hubby and I will get to spend time in New Orleans, which we’re all looking forward too. After that the process of moving will be a bit hectic, but I’ll be able to spend time with my mom for her birthday and hopefully a little QT with hubby.

I love that man sooo much. We’ve been through so much. I know during this tough period I have to hustle hard for him to make things right. I’m really looking forward to marrying him. It may not be the dream wedding, but he’s my dream.

Well, I could go on and on writing tonight, but gotta get to work!!

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