I’m temporarily feeling somewhat defeated. My laptop (temporarily, I hope) broke down in the middle of my morning of applying for jobs. I already feel bad enough for not going out with my dude to his interview place and the job fair earlier. I decided to stay home here and apply to some places I had wanted to apply to online and then the computer shuts down. (I’m on his now which doesn’t have the files I need, of course.) Then I temporarily broke the toilet at this motel room we’re staying in. Which probably just means I have to go out to the store and buy a plunger, something I wasn’t factoring in to my day.
My cousin, who has been here 6 months, says give it 6 months and everything will be fine. I’ll know that I made the right choice moving here. And she’s probably right. Time has a way of making things better. But right in the now of things I feel defeated. And dumb. For leaving my home and job to be unemployed and staying in a pay-by-the-week motel with my stuff in storage until my savings are depleted.
Searching for jobs is my full-time job now and I’m remembering all over again just how much job hunting sucks. There was a reason I once wrote in this blog the last time I was jobless that if I didn’t get a job in two weeks I would gut somebody. (I actually did get a job within that time frame though. LOL) This time I feel more qualified and as if there are more opportunities and each time the phone rings I get excited/nervous but I haven’t gotten a call back about a job yet. And I’m neglecting my freelance assignment again because I feel like putting in resumes for a full-time job with benefits is more important than doing something to make a couple hundred bucks temporarily. What happened to the will to chart out on my own? It’s cowering in a corner wishing for the stability of working for the man full-time again. Sigh.
But I know I’ll be ok, because God won’t have me defeated. I have my health. I have my family. And I have this wonderful man who is making life worth living even when I lose track of my hope. I love him more than words can describe.
Thank you God for my blessings. I know this road won’t be easy but I’m still here.