searching for a guide through life

I remember …

… taking turns for baths and counting down til bedtime.

… hot Long Island nights with a single fan breeze.

… giggles and whispers unto midnight.

… diary entries and diary snooping.

… hours long sessions playing through my favorite cds in my diskplayer.

… drawing doodles in my notebook thinking about first love.

… drawing doodles and song lyrics in the margins of my agenda book to cure boredom.

… writing four page letters to the Tibblettes.

… discovering friendship on band bus trips.

… pushing myself at crew practice and loving every moment.

… the bliss of art club.

… the flush of high school crushes.

… mall “shopping” with godsisters.

… defiance against everything.

… finding new sisters at college.

… waiting on the porch outside my dorm for his goodbye hug.

… exploring campus — and Buckroe Beach.

… my stint as a playa.

… the afterparty … and Walmart.

… seeing double.

… passionate kisses behind the bar and outside theatres.

… not being able to wait to get inside motel rooms.

… crying in cars.

… aiding and abetting.

… getting popcorn grease out the machine.

… learning Russian.

… being the designated Mom.

… watching babies.

… living in Paradise.

… a long distance proposal.

… tipsy times in the Big Easy.

… more goodbyes than I wish.


Life has been quite a story. I’m getting this strong desire to nest. I’m ready. I want to tell my babies my stories one day. I want to know theirs.

I know I’ve messed up in the past, but please, please, please let me be able to be a mother.

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