searching for a guide through life

This is my least favorite time of the season — when everybody leaves to go home after coming together for the holidays. But this last week has been so awesome, that this even this feeling is not so bad.

My mom, dad, sister and brother came down for Christmas and even brought my sister-dog Holly! I got to play hostess in the new house for the first time. I had been stressing about everything not be together and ready for company but it all went well. Santa came through and put presents under the tree. My baby had surprised me a couple weeks ago with a real tree and we decorated the weekend before the holiday. My mom and sister decked out my kitchen for me mostly while I was at work this week. I love them sooo much for that. I’m almost not afraid to actually use my kitchen now. Haha. Work was ridiculous this week cuz each day I was just super anxious to get home to my family and the pup. And work was just super slow it was just crazy too. This week may be similar, but maybe the week after things will start to normalize.

Speaking of work, I had a call back for a job interview at another paper. I have mixed feelings about it, and I’m not even sure I will be able to schedule the interview since I work just about all day. Honestly, I’m not really stunting it. Although I need to develop an exit strategy for my job, I am getting comfortable there. I’m mostly kinda just happy that I was one of the five chosen out of over 100 that applied for the position. I still got it. LOL.

But speaking about the holiday… it was so good to have ALL the cousins, my dad and his brothers, and my grandparents in one spot for atleast a little while at Christmas. Granny made a delicious Christmas dinner. We had done Christmas brunch at my house before going to the grandparents. Some of my cousins came to my place for the first time. We saw my grandfather at church for just about the first time in our lives. He came to Christmas Eve candlelight service because my cousin was singing. It was so great. She is so talented and it was just so good to see him there. I loved lighting the candles at church. When everyone was singing I just stood there and took it all in. My family took up an entire pew at church and part of another. Awesome. I love how my man interacts with my family too. We had been going through a little rough patch. This holiday was definitely needed.

Tomorrow is what has typically been my favorite holiday of the year — New Year’s Eve. I think it may just be a quiet one this time around. My parents and siblings have left and my grandparents went up north for a New Years party. Not sure what my cousins are doing, but if I’m not at church, I kinda just want to be home. Both me and the dude work tomorrow but are off Tuesday. For the life of me I can’t remember what we did last year for New Year’s but I’m definitely missing Biloxi this time of year — the lit-up boats, NYE fireworks on the beach and warmer weather. LOL. We got snow flurries here the other day! Oh, but anyway, we might go to church for watchlight service. That would be nice. I wouldn’t be opposed to a quiet evening home either.

This is usually the time where I reflect on the last year and what I’m looking forward to next year but this blog entry is getting long enough already. Well briefly, 2012 was full of change. I made a vision board for the first time last year and it is crazy to see how much has actually came true. The biggest thing of course was moving to a new state, getting a new job and moving into this house. This year I also freelanced more. The negative, however, was going from no debt to super debt, but I will be working to tackle that in 2013. Two things I had dreamed of for 2012 — getting married and becoming a mom — are things I have to push to another year. I have to admit, it was really hard for me around this holiday period seeing so many announcing pregnancies and engagements, getting married and celebrating the birthdays of their little ones, and myself being barren with no ring on my finger. At one point, I just wanted to totally unplug – no social media, no blogging, nothing – cuz although I want to be happy for everyone else, it really makes me sad to not be pregnant when I’ve been trying for two and a half years  and also to have been with my love for more than five years and not be married or really engaged (yeah, I feel that way when I don’t have an engagement ring and it’s never formally been announced to family and friends) when that means so much to me. But I just have to calm my anxious spirit and have faith that God will provide for me in His own time. This new year – 2013 – will be a year of preparation to getting my life where I want it to be. I want to really own my career as a writer. At the same time, I want to make sure to have the financial means to support myself and family. My cousins and uncle keep talking about starting a family business. My sister and parents also became involved in a new business this year and they’re hoping to get me or Justin on their team. I also want to better my health, finances and relationships in 2013. There’s got to be a trip in their somewhere too.

This has been a good end to a good year and I’m really looking forward to the next.

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