A*North*Star

searching for a guide through life

Jumble of thoughts.

Still haven’t purchased a proper journal. So I’m still here. Half waiting for someone to tell me not to stop.

I’ve been toying around with the idea of “seriously” transitioning to a new blog that is less about the random day-to-day messiness and triumphs of my personal life but more disciplined and focused on the continual messiness and triumphs of my generation in general. It’s hard out there for a pimp and there’s probably a lot more we can learn together.

Anywho … I turned 26 this week. Have been fighting a nasty battle with bronchitis that’s netted me an estimated weight loss of 5 pounds. I’ve been off work since Tuesday, which has given me a lot of time to think and to read and to think some more. My life right now, I feel like, is just on the verge. On the edge of something big. Like wonders will happen for me in a big, fantastic way just soon enough.

I’m still struggling. Still have my battles with insecurities. My worries about money. Jealousy and trust issues. Although there’s much to be happy about, I can’t just ignore how I recently let depression and those suicidal thoughts slip in.

I’m not exactly where I want to be in my life.

But I have so much potential and blessings and joy. And I made it to 26 and I have so much more on the agenda.

My darling has given me the green light multiple times now to pursue what I think will make me happy. For me that’s writing … and starting a family. I’m afraid of all the what ifs. I’m afraid of the chances and the risks. But time is not slowing down for anybody. I say I enjoy being a grownup. It’s time for me to fully embrace the responsibility of taking charge of my life and not just letting life happen to me. It’s time to live more intentionally.

 

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